A Life Worth Living

My 22nd Birthday is coming!

2012-02-02T14:23:00.001+05:00

PS: Click on the doodle comic below to get a larger view.
PPS: I made it on Paint.

As my birthday gets closer, more and more cells of my body can't help but get vibrant, jittery!

A Sleepy, Tired Head

2012-01-18T23:56:00.002+05:00

Going to college everyday is starting to take its toll on me. I wonder why my stress/depressive threshold is so low and I need frequent 'me' time to clear my head and stretch my legs before I can get up and going again.
And when unexpected, unfortunate things keep happening every other week or so, it all keeps building up. I am looking forward to the weekend to de-clutter my head otherwise it is going to slowly and gradually build up even without me knowing, I will forget that it is there. And one day it will stand large and loom in front on my head, blocking my view until something breaks down, falls downs, leaving me feeling lost.
One more thing I should be taking better care of is my sleep. I should have been in bed right now but I felt the need to write this.
x

A Hundred Years From Now

2012-01-17T19:57:00.002+05:00

There's a hate in my heart that is dying to flee,
A love in my eyes blinking to see,
The air around me is still and it stays,
To have a dragon, to tame, to slay.

It feels like November, this January day,
It feels like tomorrow, like yesterday,
And when books are opened and words are read,
It feels too much, too proud for my head.

When silence ensues and I sit here confused,
Planning my words, my silence, my move,
It won't last long, that I know,
We ask to stay young, but we will grow.

There are many things we've come to peace with,
Like screams and dark and silent treatments,
Because in the end none of it will matter,
A hundred years from now our world will shatter.

But for now let's live, let's breathe for tomorrow,
The happiness we lend and the tears we borrow,
The smiles we give, the breaths we take,
The surreal joys in the lives we make.

Too busy

2012-01-15T21:48:00.001+05:00

- with college and wards
- with getting a new laptop (finally got it! sony vaio, e-series, black!)
- with karachitips.com (I'm a writer there, woohoo)
- with trying to catch up on my sleep

Was insanely glad it was Sunday today, finally got to relax. I'm feeling kind of ill today, crazy body ache. Almost forgot I have a test tomorrow on Plastic Surgery, so must study or I would have to tomorrow morning. There isn't much to cover, thank God for that. I'll blog, reply and visit your blogs soon.

=)

The long post I said I'd write.

2011-12-29T23:47:00.003+05:00

Note : First of all, it took me around two hours of nonstop typing to write this post. So what will really make me happy is if you actually read the whole post and then leave an honest comment instead of a 'oh nice, oh wow etc.' type of comment. I'll appreciate that a lot.
This post has been long over due and I want to end this year by writing it. I have grown in many ways this year. But this perhaps is the most significant and important. I believe I have only just started and there is a long way to go and much more to learn.
The parts in purple are quoted from other websites.

If a heart becomes attached to other than Allah, Allah makes him dependent on what he is attached to & he will be betrayed by it." - Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah.

Believe it or not, this is true. I've been here. I never knew it was happening, but this year has been about me realizing a lot of things and the above saying sums up my journey till here perfectly. I've gone through a lot in 2011 and apart from the good times I've experienced painful, sad and very heartbreaking times- still do. But hopelessness led to desperation to find out the brighter side in the darkest moment and I figured out that the one thing that makes this a blessing in disguise is the knowledge that this pain leads me to a good place. A place where I remember Allah more than I ever do, a place I had stop visiting.

I am not used to being here anymore so at first and for a long time it feels dark and lonely. And the realization that I am supposed to find warmth and peace here only by feeling near Allah hasn't gotten me there yet, although it has brought hope. It isn't easy. It is hard to break free of fears, attachments and worldly worries.

This realization, I must confess, started by me noticing a little thing oft taken as very normal due to so much exposure. In fact, it started when I found out about the Illuminati through Dan Brown. I may have a lot of concepts wrong about this cult stuff, I mean Illuminati and he Free Masons and how they are Satan worshipers and how it is there ultimate goal is to demolish the religion, as stated elsewhere, Christianity.

Now, I haven't thoroughly, madly researched on the Illuminati because what I know is enough for what I should know. I found this list of goals online at www.religiouscounterfeits.org.

In Des Griffin's book, "Fourth Reich of the Rich", he shows the outline or "Plan" of Adam Weishaupt's World Revolution that he had hoped to achieve:

1) The abolishment of all ordered Government.
2) The abolishment of all private property.
3) The abolishment of all inheritance.
4) The abolishment of all Patriotism.
5) The abolishment of all Religion.
6) The abolishment of all family and marriage.
7) The creation of a World Government or World Order- to take the place of all of the above things that had been abolished.

For your knowledge:

Who is Des Griffin?
About him from Wikipedia :
Des Griffin is an American right-wing writer and system critic. Writing from a firmly Christian standpoint, he is mainly interested in global agendas and especially the topic of the New World Order, as declared by President George HW Bush on March 6, 1991.

Who is Adam Weishaupt?
About him deom Wikipedia : Johann Adam Weishaupt (6 February 1748 in Ingolstadt – 18 November 1830 in Gotha) was a German philosopher and founder of the Order of Illuminati, a secret society with origins in Bavaria.

What is the Order of Illuminati?
About it from Wikipedia : The Illuminati (plural of Latin illuminatus, "enlightened") is a name given to several groups, both real (historical) and fictitious. Historically the name refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1, 1776. In more modern contexts the name refers to a purported conspiratorial organization which is alleged to mastermind events and control world affairs through governments and corporations to establish a New World Order. In this context the Illuminati are usually represented as a modern version or continuation of the Bavarian Illuminati.

What is the One World Order?
About it from Wikipedia : In conspiracy theory, the term New World Order or NWO refers to the emergence of a totalitarian one-world government.

What is a totalitarian one-world government?
About it from Wikipedia : Totalitarianism (or totalitarian rule) is a political system where the state recognizes no limits to its authority and strives to regulate every aspect of public and private life wherever feasible. Totalitarian regimes stay in political power through an all-encompassing propaganda disseminated through the state-controlled mass media, a single party that is often marked by personality cultism, control over the economy, regulation and restriction of speech, mass surveillance, and widespread use of terror.

And finally,
Mass media? I know you all know what that is but I'd still like to point out.
Here's what Wikipedia says : Mass media refers collectively to all media technologies which are intended to reach a large audience via mass communication. Currently, mass media is classified into the "seven mass media": print, recordings, cinema, radio, television, internet, mobile phones.

Now, I believe that a lot of mass media is already under control of this Illuminati group that is trying to take over, but thankfully not all of it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to write and post this. So that is a good thing. I am not nuts for believing that a lot of media is in their control, whether they (the media) know it or not and are knowingly or unknowingly promoting what the Illuminati wants them to promote.

I am going to post something I found at www.milligazette.com as I was searching online for the meaning of kuffar according to the Quran :

The exact word kafir has been used five times in the Qur’an as follows:

1. ‘And believe in what I reveal, Confirming the revelation which is with you, And be not the first to reject faith therein, Nor sell My signs for a small price, and fear me and me alone’ [2 : 41].

2. ‘And if any of you turns back from his faith and die in disbelief, Their works will bear no fruit in this life and the Hereafter’ [2 : 217].

3. ‘The Misbeliever is a helper (of evil) against his own Lord’ [25 : 55].

4. ‘It is He who has created you; and of you are some that are unbelievers, and some that are believers; and Allah sees well all that ye do’ [64 : 2].

5. ‘Verily, We have warned you of a Chastisement near-The Day when man will see (the deeds) which his hands have sent forth;and the Unbeliever will say, ‘Woe unto me! Would that I were (mere) dust!’ [78 : 40].

In the light of the above verses the word kafir has been used in the Qur’an for two meanings:

1. Rejecter of the faith [verses 1-3-4-5]. The fourth verse [2:64] is very meaningful - in that it tells us that it is part of Allah’s pattern and tradition, sunnah, that some people are ‘believers’ and some are ‘rejecters.’
It is the same Godly-sunnah everywhere else - there are plains against mountains, rivers against dry land, flowers against thorns, good against bad, sick against healthy, black against white, and so on. This is Allah’s scheme of things so that people and things are distinguished from one another but the best are the most pious and fearful of their Creator Who alone knows and judges their piety from false pretense.

2. Apostate - a Muslim who renounces his faith and dies in that state [verse 2].
Kafir is a descriptive term used for someone who rejects something. Hence even a Muslim who rejects some other religion may be termed kafir as a rejecter of that faith.

I am not talking about the individual kafir, as in someone who has become an atheist or some who is not a Muslim. I am not talking about that aspect of kuffar in which a kafir is doing harm to himself and his Hereafter. I am talking about the big kuffar, the kuffar that is against Islam. And in my head I've never hesitated to equate this so called Illuminati with the term Kuffar, the ones against religion. The ones against whom a Muslim must do Jihad. Here are the kinds and these are right even though I am copy+pasting from Wikipedia:

1) Jihad of the heart (jihad bil qalb/nafs) is concerned with combatting the devil and in the attempt to escape his persuasion to evil. This type of Jihad was regarded as the greater jihad (al-jihad al-akbar).
2) Jihad by the tongue (jihad bil lisan) is concerned with speaking the truth and spreading the word of Islam with one's tongue.
3) Jihad by the hand (jihad bil yad) refers to choosing to do what is right and to combat injustice and what is wrong with action.
4) Jihad by the sword (jihad bis saif) refers to qital fi sabilillah (armed fighting in the way of God, or holy war), the most common usage by Salafi Muslims and offshoots of the Muslim Brotherhood.

And, as mentioned above, the best Jihad is the one that starts within oneself. Once we are on the right path on the inside, the other jihads seem natural.

This is becoming a very long post but these are the things I needed to explain. Also, this post is more for me than anyone else, so if you are reading so far it I'm glad. Do comment whether or not you think this is right.

Moving back to making this post more about me, I'll confess that it was only last night that I remembered that I shouldn't be afraid of solitude. I remembered how at one time, years back, I cherished solitude. The time when I was closer to Allah in my heart. Over time I had gotten close to friends, television shows, talking to someone or the other about anything and everything that I stopped being by myself. I somehow transformed into someone whodidn't know how to be in solitude. That it is okay to be alone and not be doing something. That solitude is the time when you think of Allah and recite ayahs and make dua. That the life and suffering on earth will end. Sabr (patience) and Imaan (faith) is what will get us through in the best possible way.

I remembered that I don't have to make things happens. Having faith and leaving it to Allah is the better option when things seem out of control. Allah has written our lives for us and whatever is meant to happen, will.

The reason I wrote about Illuminati, kuffar, mass media etc. is that I think I have been, along with many others, subtly brainwashed into someone who the Illuminati would like us to be. Television, movies, books, music, the stuff we do almost everyday, does affect us on many levels. You might argue to that, say that I can control my thoughts and not be affected, but truth is, it happens so slowly, so gradually you don't know it until it is something really big.

Those of you who have medical knowledge might know that it takes more than 90 days or even a year for one transformed (abnormal) cell to produce a clinically detectable tumor (containing 10 raised to the power 9 cells). You can't have an alarm ringing when the cell transforms. You can't go in, find that way tiny cell and kill it. No way. You only know when some or a huge damage is done. You're lucky if you can get rid of that tumor, otherwise tumors spread and kill.

For me, it is the same with being exposed to stuff that will go on to change us, one thought at a time. The over exposure does a creepy thing, it makes everything seem normal and okay. And not until something shakes your world do you realize you have been affected. For some it is too late, but for most it can be bettered. And it is not easy.

Another analogy : it is easy to get fat because eating is fun, but not eating and doing exercise daily is a tough job to burn off that fat! It is a constant struggle to right the wrong. But it is possible and that's what really counts.

I changed. Now I am finding my way back.
People are good and sincere, it is the fight within us that we have to fight. Once we do that sincerely, we can all be better people, and do the same stuff we do but as better persons.

PS - I haven't proofread it and I have left a lot of things for the readers to make sense of by themselves, as in whatever it means to you.

She died (3)

2011-12-25T17:46:00.002+05:00

The day Orzala was born was perhaps the happiest day in the lives of Gabina and Diar. Diar had bought hundred of little packets of baklava and distributed them to family, friends, the neighbors and even people who didn't expect it: other soon-to-be dads who waited with him, the driver who drove them to the hospital, the maid, the nurses and the milkman.

Gabina's face was a radiant fat-cheeked smile. Sweat dripping from her forehead, a rosy hue on her cheeks. For the next several months she even slept with a smile! Orzala was such a tiny creature. Her face was the size of Gabina's plump cheek. Her fingers were always in search of something to curl themselves around and Diar was always pushing his finger into her palms which she would grab and giggle!

Orzala's favorite place was the backyard garden where honeybees buzzed and butterflies hovered over the roses Gabina had planted. There was not a color that wasn't there. Gabina's garden was famous in the neighborhood and why wouldn't it be! It had a black rose! And Gabina was so proud of that. But not more than she was of Orzala now.

Amal was Gabina's neighbour. Amal was pregnant with twin boys when Orzala was two. Since it was her first time pregnant, she would often come over to Gabina's and ask her about her experience. She was scared from all the terrible stories her friends had told her about labour and after.

'Gabina, will I be okay? Will I die? Will it hurt a lot? Were you scared?', she would ramble all at once. And Gabina would, in her soothing voice, comfort her with the only thing she knew was true,'You have that bundle of joy in your arms and all the pain will feel wonderful. It won't matter, it will all be worth it.' Little did Gabina know that Orzala's life would end with such sadness that if she did know, she would be in endless pain when she held her in her arms. She would cry for the little girl and hug her tight and never let her out of her sight.

***

She died (2)

2011-12-10T03:59:00.001+05:00

Note : Thank you to those who read, liked and commented on the previous post. And because someone read, I really do feel like continuing the story. Hello to new followers. =) Your comments bring a smile to my face. Love.

You can read She died (1) here.

The day after she died, life for all but a few continued. Her photograph, within a wooden frame with hearts carved at the border, sat atop the television. She was smiling this bright smile, a pink hat on her head and the sun shining behind her. She stared out of that photograph at her dad, who sat on the sofa and wept silently. Her mother died six months ago. She was all her dad had left. But not anymore.

Her dad remembered the day when the photograph was taken. She was sixteen and he had just installed a swing set in their backyard. Gabina, his wife, was alive and healthy too. It was a nice day. He remembered the day after it too. It was special because it rained, the first rain of the season. Orzala, the twinkle of his eye, had ran out in the rain and mud had spluttered all over her yellow dress. He didn't care, for she was smiling as she ran to swing, sat and with her feet managed to make it oscillate like a pendulum. Back and forth, back and forth she swayed as the rain hit her. He, Diar, followed her out and the moment he stepped out, petrichor, the refreshing scent of rain on the dry, dry earth, hit him. He loved this scent. One of nature's best. Filled with it he looked at Orzala smiling and waving at him, and it became a moment he would never forget.

Why did Orzala end her life? Was she sad? Was she heart-broken? Why did his daughter not come to him, he would have made her smile like he always did. Diar sat all alone, weeping, with the thought of his unhappy daughter, the little girl he had loved more than life itself, and this shattered him inside. A huge emptiness, heaviness was all he felt in the middle of his chest. He broke into a fit, he convulsed and wept aloud. He whimpered like a helpless little child.
***

She died (1)

2011-12-06T18:25:00.001+05:00

It was a cold afternoon and the sun shone meekly behind the huge clouds. She slammed her fists on the desk and let out a huge sigh. After rummaging in the drawer for half a minute she found her cellphone, dead as ever. The coffee she had ordered, arrived. She stood by the window sipping it ever so gently and looked at the city below.
The city below was crowded, cars honking, people everywhere. On the park benches, on the footpath, crossing the road and entering and exiting various shops, malls, salons and bakeries. It was hustling and bustling with life. She picked up her green scarf and tied it lightly around her neck and walked out through door.
As she exited the building, a gush of cold air pierced through her skin.
"This is it," she thought, "today it is."
***
They found her body floating shamelessly in the cold, blue sea as the sun was setting. The body had nothing on, the green scarf floated near by. The family that saw her was quite shaken. The little boy who had spotted the body ran to his mother screaming and after that it didn't take a long while for the guards and the police and the ambulance to appear. She was declared dead there and then.
***

This Indian Song

2011-11-27T21:13:00.001+05:00

Pee Loon from the movie Once Upon a Time in Mumbaai (which I have not seen by the way) is gooooood. I mean, I am hooked onto this song these days. I rarely ever listen to hindi songs or watch their dramas or movies so I discovered this song quite accidentally (should I go so far as to say it was serendipity at work? No.. that would be very dramaybaaz of me). If you haven't heard it, then go give it a listen on Youtube. The lyrics are alright, not exceptional. It is the tune and the music that make this song and its lyrics amazing for me. It's a nice, dreamy song. I'll post a few lines here :

Pee loon teri dheemi dheemi lehron ki cham cham,
Pee loon teri saundi saundi saanson ko har dum,
Pee loon hai peenay ka mausam....
Tere sang ishq taari hai,
Tere sang ik khumari hai,
Tere sang chain bhi mujhko,
Tere sang bekaraari hai.

My Imaan

2011-11-21T19:14:00.001+05:00

I have been ignoring important stuff lately, and my imaan (faith) kept getting weaker. Of course, I was very much aware of it and not a day would go by when I would not think of reading the Quran or of offering the 5 salahs on time. But, someway or the other, with this excuse or that, I kept putting it off. Everyday I would think, InshaAllah tomorrow will be a perfect day. I will do all of it tomorrow. Tomorrow never came for a long time. Where tiredness was an excuse for namaz, it disappeared when I was reading a novel or talking to a friend or surfing online. It wasn't there when I stayed up late at night to watch a movie but it appeared every time I thought of performing wuzu and reciting the Quran. Talk abut getting tricked by the shaitaan (satan). Obviously, I never quite felt peaceful that I wasn't fighting the shaitaan back like I should.

Two days back I stumbled across a website (http://www.islamicspirituality.org/). And the stuff on it is what made my imaan stronger. I listened to a really beautiful tafseer of surah Nisa here. It's really long so I listened to just one hour. And that's what did the magic. =) I am thankful to Allah for helping me out this way. Finally, I have no excuses, and when I do, I am stronger and I tell my myself it is only the shaitaan. This helps me get out of my bed to pray the fajr while it is cold and dark all around. After praying, it is a wonderful, peaceful feeling. Warmth and a sense of safety rushes through me. I feel like finally I am on the right path again and I hope I stay and make every effort to be the person Allah would like me to be.

Pre-exam Thoughts

2011-09-23T09:15:00.002+05:00

It has been so long since I posted. I seriously suck at time management these days, mainly because I keep giving in to my urge to be a lazy, bed hogging, junk food munching, novel reading Sana.
So, in order to not waste time I decided to avoid the internet as much as I can, but that didn't work well because there's the radio, television and episodes of the big bang theory that keep telling me that I need to watch them. And what do I do? I finish the whole fourth season in two days. In a way that's good, they won't be calling me anymore.
The reason I am suddenly trying to become all time savvy is that I have exams soon and lots of course to learn. Yep, reading and knowing is not good as long as you don't have it all on your fingertips. Each day I get a little bit closer to the day I'll be sitting in the exam hall.. High time to learn stuff now.
I wanted to update my blog, write. So here.
Life these days is nice. I miss yoga - the stretches, the breathing, the calming effect, the clothes and the yoga mat. I don't feel like doing it on my own, so I'll take a month or two of yoga classes after exams. I am looking forward to it as it'll be winter, and yoga in winter feels delicious. <3

Not that it snows where I live. I wish it did. <3

One of these days I am going to write a really long blog post about everything, almost. For now, I must go offline and study.

2011-08-30T02:34:00.001+05:00

Salsabil and Zanjabil. <3

3 am.

2011-08-21T02:56:00.002+05:00

EMO ALERT - Don't tell me I did not tell you.
Note : Bohat hougaya blog pe nahee likhna. Aaj raat tow I need to let out. And this is my place.

I don't want to stop believing that there is one perfect person for everyone. Best friend. I mean, okay we all have many best friends, but one of them is the kind you'd be spending you're life with, if you know what I mean. So, when everything about this awesome universe shatters, and reality calls you, shouting into your ears, 'hah, you were fooled you into believing you had it all planned out! you're alone, all alone.' what do you do then?

Do you put your fingers in your ears and shut your eyes tight and keep living in your universe until it shatters again and again, hurting you. Or do you snap out of it and accept it, 'yeah, I am alone, okay I got it!' and when that happy universe calls to you do you go back consciously blocking the knowledge that yes, it is a bad idea to go back because it will break down again, you'll be down at your knees and crying in the dark again? Or do you just walk your lonely path and ignore the seductive come hither looks from that happy universe that smiles at you with its arms wide open to catch you when you go running back.

No one wants to walk alone. But being tossed and kicked out again and again isn't what one wants either.

There is such a thing as being to close for comfort.

All this makes me wonder whether there is just some problem that lies within me. I have my flaws.. is there any one who hasn't? But I am quite sure they are what everyone has, and also quite harmless. The biggest of which would be wasting time and also getting angry when gets too much for me - like hadh houtee hai mother teresa kou bhee ghussa ata hee houga - not that I am any place close to her. None of which I ever use to hurt someone and I totally don't have ego issues. At least with a a few people. In fact, sometimes, I forgive and maybe let myself forget too easily. To a fault. I don't like staying angry or in the I'm-not-talking-to-you mode for long. It takes an effort, you know. I'd rather just let it go and continue my life with a peaceful smile. In my world, it is usually the other people who are naraz and as soon as they let go of their narazness, I am good to go. I wonder what would happen if someday I am the one who is theek thaak wala upset?

I don't like extremes. On the one hand being too nice and all that shit and on the other hand just blowing off your lid and being a monster. I fucking hate that. Don't be too nice and all that, I'd rather prefer average Joes, as long as they're the same nice average all the time. As for the average monsters, I'd rather not go close. But it the transformation that makes life hell for everyone. Mmmm... I am thinking I should just take a sabbatical and let everyone with issues resolve them. Before I trust or let any one near again, I should build up this steel wall so they can work on themselves. I am tired of getting all the blame and giving none - goodwill? Heck no! It hurts and it is hard and sometimes maybe other people can try letting go. I shouldn't ~~always~~ almost always be the one who spreads the goodwill. When I stop, the other person can try.. instead of letting it all come tumbling down.

So, no matter how it throbs and bleeds, sabbatical it is. What have I got to lose? Someone who won't be there when I need a shoulder? Someone who can always hurl words at me instead of for once having a bigger heart? Don't I fucking deserve someone going the extra mile just because I almost always do and for once I want to sit and be taken care of? Of course I do. I know I do not need to be taken for granted again and again and then go act like i am mother teresa's sister and always be there. Never thought I would have to enter this mess. But right now it is for survival, for myself.

I give, give, give. No one acknowledges that when I need. So now I am going to stop. I won't give and I won't expect any thing too. Let's see now if you really care.

2011-08-19T17:49:00.002+05:00

~~Writer's~~ Blogger's block..
Suggestions?

Smile a while

2011-08-10T20:51:00.002+05:00

I have been away for a long time. This is one of those rare times where I find myself changing. And I'm so busy within myself that I really have stopped writing. I hope I get back soon.
My life has gotten better. I wish I could write the details, someday I shall.
One bad thing amidst the good : I never - almost never - had a big, red temper. But now, I just can't get a grip on my self. I get hot, steaming, angry at the slightest of things. And I react - badly. I hate it. I hope it is just a phase and I get my patience back.
Remember to keep smiling. =)
It's easy to forget, but it is a lovely thing to do.
x

Moments

2011-07-20T22:58:00.002+05:00

What was the day when I grew up from someone I used to be to the girl (or should I finally start calling myself a woman?) I am now?
It wasn't just a day - it was many moments. Moments scattered here and there.. =)

the way it is

2011-07-03T15:07:00.001+05:00

sometimes when u think you know all there is to know, you are wrong - always. when u think you have everything perfectly planned out, life takes an unexpected turn and shows you you're no different than the millions of people you read about whose lives take unexpected turns - you think certain things can never happen to you, things so remote they can only happen to people you read about or see on tv.

and then you figure you out all is not over. plums still taste as heavenly as they ever have and the wind on your face still feels as amazing as it did when you felt like you ruled the world - even if you feel lost and uncertain with a bitter sense of how wrong you can be, the weather just before it rains is as dreamy as ever. the colors of that random bunch of flowers by the road, pink, blue, purple, yellow, so bright and vibrant are like love to your eyes. you want to stare at 'em and absorb it all - but then the car you're sitting in rushes past those, giving you just a glimpse of what you want way more now, what you never noticed before.

you discover after two decades, in fact, appreciate truly, the power that the words spoken by your parents hold. and so somehow you smile in the face of adversity, as it somehow makes you aware and thankful of the blessings you've had all your life but were too blind to fully see.

and as you keep moving on, with a feeling that all is not well, you figure out that you still have to keep moving on. and whether all turns out well or not - even then you keep moving on. the heart wants but if it can't get, you don't deny any more - just accept.

your breath can still be taken away. and you are who you are.

2011-06-30T22:18:00.001+05:00

Naram billi, garam billi,
Chota gola fur,
Hanstee billi, soutee billi,
Purr, purr, purr
- Totally mine.

Another Happy Sunday! =)

2011-06-26T14:22:00.001+05:00

The weather is really good today, so I've decided it is time I let my blog know I am still alive! There is sooo much happening these days! Watching Rio in 3D, meeting up with friends, going to the awesomest carnival and concert (Strings came!) this year, going to Port Grand (whattay beautiful place!) , dinner at my place for all of my family (cousins, grandparents, the whole lot!) and working on our class magazine! I cannot write EVERYTHING about all of that here right now!
But here are some of the things I'd want you all to know that I've done while I was away. FUN. :

- Watched Imran Khan (tehreek e insaaf) in a meeting up close in someone's drawing room. It was a thrill. He saw us too! We would have MET him but the meeting was gonna last at least an hour more and I wasn't high enough to barge into a room full of camera man and politicians!

- Had 14th Street pizza. Maza aagaya!

- Threw up on a total stranger! Then threw up again multiple time! (Okay, that was not fun! =( I was very sick for 24 hours - sheer pain)

- Clambered onto and rode on a horse carriage at 11pm with 5 more people (family!). Two sajjay hue ghoray (horses) + a little tvscreen with some indian item number on it (whaaa??) + a carriage that was lit up like it was gonna take a baraat, a total chamak patti I tell you! Had a ride around Metropole. People were looking at us with open mouths and some even snapped flash pictures of us. It was a laugh and FUN bcus the wind was blowing and it was such a different experience!

- Gotten much better at balancing and stretching (Yoga!).

To make this post interesting, I am gonna put up some pictures!

Strings - At SOCH carnival + concert 2011.

Port Grand. 2011. Oh and that's me in blue.

My cousins =D Kunday dawat at my place!

x Love. Until next time.

2011-06-15T22:05:00.001+05:00

Soft kitty, warm kitty,
Little ball of fur..
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Purr, purr, purr..

2011-06-12T00:44:00.000+05:00

Awful headache.

Happy Sunday =)

2011-05-29T15:17:00.000+05:00

Enjoyed painting this after my morning tea. What do you think?

The complete and utter idiot's guide to taking a history

2011-05-24T02:29:00.009+05:00

Hello. Welcome to the complete and utter idiot's guide to taking a history. Ready for some patient interaction? Good! Let's get started!

So, we'll start our journey by assuming that you are in a hospital and already posses a pen and a notebook and are dressed properly like a doctor; a clean white lab coat, maybe a stethoscope around your neck, the works. It's a bit too much for you all at once, but really, we don't have time right now to go home and dress you up.

Firstly, you must take out that pen and notebook from your lab coat pocket. Ugh, you don't have a pen? Okay, go and get it from your bag. What now, you don't have a bag either? Well okay, borrow it from your friend or someone. Wait, wait, no! Don't borrow the bag! Borrow a pen! Good, so there, now you have a pen and a notebook. Please stop chewing on the pen.

Now, approach a patient and introduce yourself. No, not an unconscious patient for Macleod's sake! It's a clinical examination book.... Oh never mind.

There, see that one with his eyes open, the one who is talking to the nurse, go to him. What do you mean you don't like the looks of that patient? See, he is sick, he looks sick. Now go on and stop complaining. Walk tall and stop clicking your pen, that's annoying!

Alright, now introduce yourself and ask for his bio data and what brings him to the hospital. Try to build a rapport. No, no, you do not need to ask about his zodiac sign.

So far so good. Ask questions about his illness. Wait, you do know all the standard questions right? No? Oh Lord. That explains your strange reaction when I said Macleod's. Okay, then just ask as many questions as you can think of. Yeah, that's right. All about the pain, the vomiting.. can you please stop suggesting that could be ketchup and not blood? He's vomited blood okay, that's kind of serious and can you please stop with your ridiculous questions like "How many sachets of ketchup do you consume everyday?"

Hey, hey! What's that, you aren't noting it all down?! Don't just stand there and doodle smiley faces and PLEASE don't you have nothing better to scribble than 'I'M BORED!' while you're taking a history? What doctor does that?! Do you even want to be a doctor? You do, yes? Perfect, now proceed. Don't look at me with those puppy dog eyes. Proceed. Note down the stuff properly. See, isn't that easy?

Now, when you're done taking the history of his presenting complaint, ask him about his past medical history and then about his family history. Don't giggle and mouth the words 'ketchup transfusion'! I told you it is not funny. Blood! Blood! He got blood transfusions a year ago! What is it with you and ketchup? No, I do not want to know!

Let's move on, shall we. Take his personal history. You want to know how well he sleeps, is his appetite normal, his bowel habits, about his micturition, his addictions and whether there has been any significant weight loss or gain. Don't gawk at him when he says he has no addictions.. why do you think he would lie? And no, your argument about him being addicted to facebook is hardly relevant and possibly incorrect, keeping in mind his vomiting, diarrhea and abdominal pain and the fact that he is a fisherman and might not even have access to the internet.

Phew. So that is it. Now just say thank you to the patient. You are done. Congratulations! You just took your first ever history! Dufus.

Knock Knock

2011-05-21T12:30:00.000+05:00

Knock knock,

who's there?

Nothing..

Nothing who?

Nothing new to post right now.

Well that isn't exactly true. I have been really busy and tired.

I'm doing yoga these days.

I bought acrylic paints.. now I just need some inspiration and free time.

The ward I am posted in these days is really congested and is full of infective diseases, I hope I do not catch any. It is so hot, have mercy sun, that I sweat like there has been a tap left open inside me.

Yesterday I was at the most fun party in the longest of time, it was a friend's birthday and we surprised her! It was too much fun, for a change.

My result is gonna come soon, I am scared! Pray guys.

Free from the torture of exams!

2011-05-08T17:46:00.005+05:00

I'm baaaaaaaccckkkk!!

I am back. Exams ended! I have a lot to let out on this post. So let's get going. First off, yesterday was my last exam, which went okay if you ignore the fact that there were many things I hadn't revised properly. Ah, whattay wonderful feeling to feel when you see lines literally copied from the only chapter you didn't care enough to revise.Moving on. I had one of the most tiring, khwari-filled longest days of my life, which had chunks of fun and bittersweetness in it. Me and my friend met after a long time, thanks to my exams - being over. We went to a mall which has our favorite book store in it after our favorite book store let us know via sms that they're having a 50% off on all titles sale! So we were really happy and excited and jumpy. By the way, that friend is Sidrah!

This is what we think of book stores!

It was a REALLY hot day and it was a blast of cool air in our sweating, hot faces when we finally reached and to our horror it wasn't exactly a sale! It was such a disappointment. It was a sale of the kind of books NO ONE ever reads! And there was no sale on the good ones. So we ended up buying nothing.We did however go to the food court then, all bubbly and jolly with thoughts of yummy gastronomic delights. Oh wait, not so soon - fate said. The food court was under construction.
Two hungry, sweating, disappointed souls were we. And we laughed at our sad situation.

That's us. Running all over in search of books and food.

Now for the good part : We ended up eating empanadas, donuts, garlic corn, burgers, garlic mayo fries, mango ice-creams and water-melon from idher udher (read : 1)bakery, 2)a new fast food joint, and 3)my mum!). All of it yum. The empanadas were a bit bready, but better than nothing.
We were so tired when we got home and all the food and the sofa felt great, just lie down and gobble food - it never felt so good to to this.

I want some more, please!

We talked about random things and we watched this totally random movie and we exchanged books! Sidrah always leaves my place with a big bag full of books. Our ritual. And oh yes, she fills my laptop up with movies and songs because recently I've been to lazy to download them myself. Sadly, we did not take any pictures yesterday or I'd have posted one. Also, I bought really a cool blue ring and stud earrings from the mall!Umm, that is all for now. A lot more happened later that day which I shall post in my next update.
Also, thank you Hamza for the Unorthodox blogger nom de plume award. His blog is pretty fun, do go and check it out here!
PS : You would think my college would give me a break after exams, but they did haven't even given a week off! New semester starts this Tuesday! New wards and more stuff to study! And a lot of back-breaking heat and thakkan! The only bright side is I'll be seeing my crazy friends everyday!
PPS: I painted my mum a Mothers Day card today!

To all mums out there!

What Ten Books Should Every Writer Read?

2011-04-28T22:27:00.002+05:00

What TEN books SHOULD EVERY writer read? Submit a list at muchlanguage@gmail.com and help a fellow blogger. Also, you might win a book!! =D
Also, include your nationality if you want. Click here to know more.
Last date of submission : 31 December 2011.

- Spreading the word for Points of Clair-ification .

Exammmmmsss....

2011-04-22T13:10:00.000+05:00

Will be freeeee on 4th May. =D Can't wait to be back on blogger. Miss you all.

Hair vs. Brains

2011-04-15T00:45:00.018+05:00

Would you rather have a hot mane or some cerebral hotness?

Before I ask you whether you are a fabulous-haired tragedy or a super-duper-nerd, let me paint a picture of a super nerd for you. Super nerds are those who during exam time cease performing all normal human activities. They stop talking, they stop walking, they stop laughing. It is like they aren't even alive, except for the times they get up to use the loo or to eat something. But they do both these activities with a book or a stack of flash cards in front of them.

Super nerds dive into their books for a whole of two weeks, barely looking up, it doesn't even remotely matter to them if some super awesome guy (read : Barney Stinson) is standing there, smiling a brilliant smile, holding a freshly baked batch of the most delicious, most heavenly smelling cookies on the face of this Earth. It doesn't matter if they live in Japan and the ground is shaking and an earthquake it progressing. They do not care! Earthquake, please come another time, right now I don't care because I am too busy memorizing each and every thing printed on each and every page of each and every book I have managed to get my hands on. It doesn't matter if their starving (because they did not care enough to feed it), pregnant cat has just entered labor! The height of apathy! I ask you this : How more apathetic can the super-duper nerds get?!

Answer me, if you are reading this, some member of the super-duper nerd clan? How dare you ignore your poor cat whom you vowed to your mum and dad to take care of in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad? How can you ignore a poor creature who depends on you and considers you its owner. Feel bad, feel very bad. Is that not sinful?

These super nerds, and trust me on this and trust me with the whole of your beating, red heart, these nerds are that subspecies of humans that even forget showering, let alone hair care or hot hair or combing hair! But, but, but - do not scorn or smirk, they do have hot brains! And that is their weapon.

Zac chose hair.

My hot brain!

I, for one, am not one of those super nerds nor a fab-hair tragedy, just for the record. I shower, and I still manage to study well enough. So I am an exception who has the best of both worlds.

Me with my variety of hot hair.

Normally, people are not that lucky. And how profoundly sad that is, I wish I could have empathized, but I can not. Most people, they gotta make a choice: it is either hot hair or some smokin' hot brain. It is a tough choice, and statistics are the most common age groups facing this problem, on the crossroads of hair vs. brain is between the ages of 15-50 years. After 50 years, most start balding.

Many sacrifice their grey cells and many stop caring about their hair - they let it grow and grow and get tangled and by the time they are done with exams, on their heads is nothing less than a nest complete with a momma bird and maybe two or three hatching eggs. How cute, except hello, you look ugly and you smell of bird crap.

I chose my cerebrum over my tresses, and I do not regret it one bit Or do I?. - Albert Einstein.

Those who choose hair over brains tho' have the traffic-stopping, mind-blowing hair. The kind that when they step out of their homes, the wind just blows to make their hair look fabulous and blind the world. All the while inside their cranial cavity lies a brain, a brain they nurture to rot and putrefy. And that is their tragedy.

Well, you have hot hair so stop complaining!

I wonder how bald people feel about this post, too bad they don't have much of a choice, but this is where a wig would come in handy. That makes me think, is there such a thing as a brig - a wig type replacement for a brain?

How would Homer feel? I guess he abandoned both - hair and brain. So he wouldn't feel anything.

I do not exactly know the point of this post except that maybe I am showing off that I have hot hair and a hot brain at the very same time and that I have my final exams in a week. How vain of me. But then again, every one has a little bit of vanity in them, that's Homo sapiens for you.

Anyway, now here's my question for you: Are you a fab-hair tragedy or a super-duper nerd?

PS : I don't care if you have hot wheels. This post is only about hot tresses and hot grey matter.

Bacteria of the World

2011-04-08T21:06:00.004+05:00

Everyone has a weird habit or two. But I don't. That's what makes me so amazing. Hah. Jk. I have tonnes of weird habits. Or maybe I don't, who knows? That's one of the mysteries of this universe.
So, the other night I was studying microbiology and this bacterium, Nocardia asteroides got me thinking.. WHY am I here learning all this? At 3 in the morning, studying, studying some obscure bacteria whom I haven't ever seen, talked to, had dinner with.. and I don't think I ever will. That's like, imagining about ruling an asteroid! Snap out of it, you aren't going to! You're an Earthling and here is where you shall forever stay.
And then I had a choice, to shut that book and abandon studies forever, or keep studying those obscure critters, some of whom vibrate (Vibrio cholera) and some of whom tumble (Listeria monocytogenes). And what did I choose? I chose to not abandon them. I stuck with them. I studied them. I stayed with the bacteria. And that was my choice.
I don't know what made me be so. But I think that was the right thing to do. Because somehow the bacteria and the world of microbiology needs me. The world needs me to study microbiology at 3 in the morning. The world needs me to know all this, to have this knowledge that the microbiologists before me possessed. And so, I shall do it. And I will do it again. Bacteria of the world, you have me by you, you will not be ignored.
And that was my last night.
How was yours? Did you have pizza? Did you buy yourself a pet parrot? Gah, I really don't care. Lol. Unless... you can somehow make me care.
And so, the question is not whether or not I care. The question remains : Whether or not you have it in you to make me care.. can you?

My New Obsession

2011-04-06T01:07:00.005+05:00

~~Saniplast~~
~~Captain Planet.~~

~~I Dream of Jeanie.~~

~~The Powerpuff Girls.~~

~~Shakira.~~

~~Ronan Keating.~~

~~Darren Hayes.~~

~~Zac Efron.~~

~~Jude Law.~~
Ted Mosby
and

BARNEY STINSON.

And he is AWESOME.

And just look at that smile.

AND HE IS SO FUNNY - So funny that it gives that word a whole new dimension of HAHA-ness!

BARNEY STINSON is a lot more than just a womanizer and a gay in real life - but we can ignore that, because his personality is JUST SO AWESOME.. and more than any I've seen so far (TV characters)!

I'll be blogging about this guy. See ya.

PS : Most of my obsessions turn out to be gay. It is funny. Darren Hayes, for example. And then there is Zac Efron, okay so he is straight, BUT, my friends made fun of his dance moves in Bet on it - and I was left defending him, NO THE MOVES AREN'T GAY!

PPS : I still like Jude Law. But Barney Stinson over him, ANYTIME.

PPPS : Hello, new followers. Welcome to my blog.

PPPPS : Also, Ted Mosby is CUTE and LAME and FUNNY. And that Barney is not. Barney is AWESOME and FUNNY and more FUNNY.

Ted Mosby - Architect. Also, My New Obsession.

Drugs

2011-04-04T02:30:00.002+05:00

The drugs have escaped. They are all around. They're making my vision blur as I try to look at all of them at once and they dance around and a few of them tip toe quietly past by me and I reach out and I don't catch any of them. Save me, they're giving me a headache, hold me before I fall down, shake me because I feel so numb, what is this place, where am I, why do I feel like throwing up.

Bacteria, they're after you. Bacteria, will they find you. It is okay drugs -- forget the bacteria. Come here, I am here and I want you. My brain wants you -- but no, the blood-brain barrier is too strong, now I know why it feels so wrong. It has set up a barrier, my body, against them, the drugs they try to come where they do not belong.
But it has been too long, it is 3 in the morning. I am here and I am still trying. I won't give up, just get me a knife so I can chop off the barrier -- the un-needed barrier, because I need the drugs in my brain now. All of them. Now.
It is weird of me to have such wishes. But true desire really is what all this is -- born of frustration and hours of hard work, marred by sleep and human distractions. I'll get all of you one day, or I might not -- but drugs, listen, and listen closely: The end is near.
x
Yes guys, my final exams are coming up soon. And pharmacology, if it were a person, I'd tell it, "Hey listen, STOP BEING SO DIFFICULT!"
Cheerio.
x

In a perfect world -- band-aids would be everything. No need for stupid drugs.

I got tagged!

2011-04-02T20:17:00.003+05:00

By Maryam from The Different Girl. *happy* Thanks.

I have not been tagged in ages and this is a pleasant surprise because I have been feeling kind of tag-gy, lol, that is to say I have been kind of busy to do an actual, long post.

Everyone should watch this movie and fall in love with dance. Step up 3d.

I don't exactly know whether I am supposed to write my favorites or the first thing that comes to my head when I read these words. So, it's gonna be a lil bit of this and a lil bit of that. Happy reading.

1. Food - French fries, chocolates, fish, FRUITS. Junk.
2. Colour - The rainbow. And blue, pink and purple.
3. Animal - Bunny wabbits. And all baby animals.
4. Sports Team - Umm, whom ever my best friend is supporting. Lol.
5. Dessert - ALL THINGS CHOCOLATE, esp. ice creams!
6. Artist/Singer/Band - Evanescence, Savage Garden, Owl City.
7. Pair of Shoes - Velvet Pumps.
8. Outfit - Long kameezes & Ijaars.
9. Skinny Jeans - I love wearing them. Absolutely.
10. Brand - Every day is a brand new day.
11. Perfume - If I like its smell, I'm taking it and putting it on.
12. Accessory - Earrings, tops, hair clips, bracelets.
13. City - Many.
14. Hobby - You name it.
15. Beauty Product - Facial care products (scrubs, esp.), eye make up products (kohl, esp.), lip balms and glosses.
16. Snack - ALL THINGS JUNK.
17. Holiday - More like a vacation. To some place quiet/noisy/far away depending on my mood.
18. Movie - I watched Step Up 3 last night. And I loved it.
19. Song - Depends on my mood.
20. Guilty Pleasure - Mhmm.. snuggling up with a good ol' story book and a huge bag of chips. And also, back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

Now to tagging. I'm gonna tag:
Tahrim from Bitter Sweet Life.
Ishashime from the blues, the blahs, and the blarghs.
SaJ from Bleargh!
Sidrah from Under the Magic Tree.
Shagufta from C it my Way.

That's all folks.

The Koofy Awards

2011-03-30T00:51:00.005+05:00

Okay. I am going to give some blog awards. And this is in honor of my crazy friend Tahrim. Her nicknames are Koofy, Booby, Chumpakali, Muttar kee Shakal waalee, Crimson Coral. Have your pick. who has finally come back to the blogging world after -any guesses?- a whole year, almost! And so, these are the Koofy awards..
Everyone, please go, read and follow her blog - Bitter Sweet Life - you'll love it and you'll love me for telling you all about it.! Also, it will make her happy!

How it works:
So, this is how it works. I am going to give many awards. How? Well, the first couple of bloggers who pop into my head when I look at the award, get it. And those who get it can take the award they got, say thanks?, and copy any other award too if you want to, so you can give the Koofy awards away on your blog as well. That is fun right?

Also:
Usually, awards require you to write several random facts about yourself. Well, I've decided that has been done too much for now... So, when you get the Koofy award, you've gotta do the 'A PICTURE FROM MY CAMERA' thing in which you upload any random picture that you've taken from your/your friend's cellphone/camera... AANNNDDDD you gotta write a funny/sad/interesting/disgusting/sweet/lame/awesome caption for it. Okay?
Since I am starting the Koofy awards, I am going to do the same ie post a picture from my camera, even though I did not actually get any award *sniff* you can give it to me, yes? , but I did get the idea right.
So here goes:

The Awards!
Oh and I am trying to give the awards mainly to people I haven't awarded before.. so all my other amazing blogger friends, chill, I heart all of you and your blogs, you all know who you are! ♥

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1) This goes to TAHRIM of course. She's a bunch of pagalpan (madness) and she composes wickedly good poems and her blog posts and pretty much everything else is amazing. Sometimes she pisses me off -_- but I still lub her. Oh and she has this habit of biting people, so beware.

2) This also goes to SIDRAH from Under the Magic Tree, for being my childhood blogger buddy. You all know a lot about her so am not gonna write it here.

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3) This goes to NOOR-UL-AIN HANIF, who commented on my last blog post, and I went on to visit her blog - I loved it!! It's one of those lovely blogs. Here's the link The Zenith of Enthusiasm. I know I'll be going back to this blog many more times.

4) This also goes to HAMID from Raise your words, not voice. A really cool blog with every thing Islam. I particularly like the side bar with all the nice icons and quotations.

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5) This goes to NAS from Closing Pandora's Box. The blog is seriously rad. Well,the guy is seriously rad so what did you expect?

6) And this also goes to ASEELA from Spoken and Heard. Ditto.

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Any guesses?

7) This goes to my loyal blog reader QUARTERTOINSANE from The shinny pennies and the blinking lights. I read this blog quite often and I get something from the posts, however what it is I don't know. But it's something... *scratches head and looks around*

8) And also to NIDA from Critical Velocity. I know I have awarded her before but she really deserves the zombie chicken award.

9) I will also give this to ABDULLAH TARIQ from Cogito,ergo sum. Go visit his blog, you'll know why.

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11) To FURREE KATT from Furree Katt! Read her blog and brighten up you life. She's a right ray from rainbow and dare I say the most adorable little drama queen.

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11) To ISHASHIME from the [blues, the blahs and the blarghs!]. Her blog has such funny and awesome posts! And the blog header is ADORABLE.!

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13) This goes to SMOKEY CAT from Calories in half a cup of tea. I've just started reading her blog and I like it.!

12) To SHAGUFTA ABBASS from C it my way. Because she has a nice blog and from what I know she is a nice person.

13) And to HAMZA from Hamza the Philophaster. I've just discovered his blog, it has nice posts!

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So, that's about it. I hope I haven't missed anyone whom I wanted to award.... Anyway, and now for..

A Picture from My Camera

Gimme a carrot! That is my bunny wabbit cousin.

Phew. This was..... fun!

Resentment

2011-03-28T20:01:00.000+05:00

I don't feel so strong
It has been so long
I feel kind of different
A kind of resentment now
I don't feel the fluffy, marshmallow joy
It has been long, and many hows and whys
I don't feel like I've always felt
Where a soft smile was, a clenched jaw is there
I wish I could fall in that pond again
That was so sweet, that was so right
But I walk around it, round and round
I look at it
And wonder how did i really drown?
And I came back up
And now I can't go back
Because what the pond was once
It now is not
I dipped into it, and it shimmered magically
I made a little ripple, it became a melody
But now it's just dark and unwelcoming
Dare I touch it
It'll just freeze
I feel betrayed
And resentfully lonely
It's weird how I don't feel what I once felt before
And no one cares to where swings the door
I've been sitting and waiting
The door open wide
I'm gonna go now
Because there's nothing inside
The door swings back as I leave the room
It closes and its only sound echoes
I look back and there's a tear in my eye
I wipe it away
Because I don't want to cry
My heart is strong, as strong as can be
I feel wronged and confused as I walk on this street
Too many emotions
Too many thoughts
I could be the white canvass
I could be the black dot
I could be the night sky
I could be the shining star
But right now I'm a little girl
Whose heart has been hurt

The Smile

2011-03-28T15:21:00.002+05:00

I saw a face,
It had a smile.
But it disappeared
After a while.
I looked away,
I looked back again.
And then I saw the smile
Once again.
I was confused,
What was going on?
I closed my eyes,
And hummed a little song.
My song was disturbed
By rain I suppose.
I opened my eyes,
But saw tears on the nose.
The smile was no where.
And there was no rain.
Just some tears,
And I wondered again..
What is happening?
Where is the smile now?
I tried smiling,
But I did not know how!
I curled up inside me,
And looked up above.
The sky was black,
It made me think of
My heart.
And then I looked up some more,
I saw a twinkling star
On a sky not so poor.
I looked beside me,
The smile no where,
But then I saw it,
Out of my hair
In front of my eyes,
Lips curving,
Into a smile.
I smiled too
And this time knew how.
Simply because,
I had a reason now!

Normal Flora

2011-03-26T19:55:00.011+05:00

Disclaimer (for Flora - the old lady next door) : This post is not about you. No matter how normal you are. Sorry.

This post is about and mainly inspired by creatures who live on us and inside us and are supposed to always be there with us, nope not our best friends, but.. bacteria, fungi, and archaea. Mainly bacteria.
Did you know we have bacteria on our skin, in our noses, throat and intestines?

Wikipedia says : The human flora is the assemblage of microorganisms that reside on the surface and in deep layers of skin, in the saliva and oral mucosa, in the conjunctiva, and in the gastrointestinal tracts.

Our normal flora protects us from evil organisms - bacteria that'd grow and give us awful diseases. The normal flora fights them and doesn't let them grow. Antibiotics can sometimes kill the normal flora, giving way to evil flora. Which is scary and sad. They form a huge colony and then, in the absence of our normal flora, reign.. until we can find a way to get rid of them! Otherwise, we can even die. True story.

Let's for a moment forget about these microorganisms and the microflora.
For a crazy moment today I imagined humans forming a sort of 'normal flora' for each other. The people who are around us most of the time, most of the day - like our family and friends, are, in a way, our normal flora. What if they got displaced? Would that be an opportunity for some other sort of people to flourish? Of course it would.

Imagine, a total dork and his dorky friends (btw, dorks are cute and cool) hanging out each day, together. Going out to the same places, cracking the same lame jokes, laughing, eating the same food they love to eat. What if that dork's friends all disappeared? *sad*

The poor dork would be lonely then without his 'normal flora'. Enter the 'other' flora. How about this is a group of drag queens, they take the poor, lonely dork with them. If his normal flora was there, they'd have fought with the drag queens, broken their arms and lipstick bars. Would have saved their dork buddy and lived happily ever after.. =)

But no, dork was alone and oh-so-vulnerable. He tried fighting them off, but they lured him away, to neon-lighted rooms with dresses and perfumes and glitter. Dork was amazed and wide-eyed, this new world was so different. He did not like it though, he was just fascinated. Somehow then, as time passed by and there was no sign of his normal dorky flora returning, he sighed and slipped into his first pink silk dress, his blue and white checkered shirt thrown away. And then walked in his first high heels, his brown leather shoes upturned in a dark alley. The drag queens hooted and that lifted his spirits up in a moment of false happiness! And then.. they, the drag queens, took away his last remaining signsof dorkyness - his black dork specs and clip-on tie.
Oh where, oh where, were are my best dork flora friends.. he wondered. And then, pouted a full pout with his cherry pink, bee-stung lips.. a camera flashed at him, a perfect shot, he was officially a drag queen.

Lol. Sorry, I got carried away. But isn't that true? On some level we are all normal flora for each other. And I'm glad we studied this concept of normal flora in microbiology.. Because it feels like one more piece of puzzle falling into place.

Being me. 3.

2011-03-25T20:21:00.004+05:00

I had my first ever PMDC OSCE today. And it was AWFUL. They asked us stuff they hadn't bothered to teach us in two months! What crap. Also, I've changed my template yet again, I think I will keep this one for at least a month, tell me what you think?

I'd write more but I feel too tired/lazy and I have a ward test tomorrow, for which I so am not gonna study. It's the same stuff that was supposed to come today.

x
Also,
Indian Weather forecast for the 30th:
A storm is heading towards Mohali and its color is GREEN !!!!
I hope India loses so bad they all go crying to their mommies.
x

Being me. 2.

2011-03-23T19:18:00.002+05:00

some days are fine and calm and i feel strong and some days are tearful and quiet. somehow i manage to find balance and at the end of the day sleep feeling blessed.

i've become a bit different than i was at the start of this year. where there was shyness and holding back, now there is no holding back. i speak out and do what ever i feel like more than i should sometimes, but it's okay, i don't feel bad even if i do regret, i know it is a part of a good change. sometimes i argue too much, and i can't not say anything.. used to be the opposite - it took me all my strength to say some thing i wanted to before. i feel bad about being hurtful when i argue, even though i know i'm not hurting anyone.
and if i am? well. i've been hurt too. part of life.

i don't care like i used to before, i get angry and i'm not afraid to let anyone know that. i'm good now at drawing the line, i don't want to have tolerance for bullshit anymore.

it's part of survival. it's a part of me changing. and i am okay with it - cos.. why the hell should i go an extra mile anyway. who cares. except for a very few times.

=)
i'm not mean or anything. it's just that people take advantage of u if you are always too sweet and caring, sometimes, you just gotta be bad for yourself.

Being me. 1.

2011-03-19T18:26:00.004+05:00

hi there.
im back, i think. the weather is horrible these days and so am i. not really.
anyway. i watched this movie today 'how to lose a guy in ten days' - loved it.
am into aerobics these days, tried yoga, but it was to awful for me. i just did not have the strength to stay still n be calm in my head.
tell me some good workout songs - currently i have 'evacuate the dance floor' by cascada and 'insomnia' by craig david on my playlist. they get me moving, but i think i ll be bored of them soon.
that's all for now people.
x
ps - my blog posts are gonna be like this for a while (maybe - it all depends on my mood). if u know what i mean. luv all my followers who read and like and comment on my posts. =)
x
more later. it's black n white and small for now. no bull.

I'll be..

2011-03-06T17:49:00.000+05:00

Away for some time.. as you all must have already noticed my absence.
I'll be back soon. I love you all.
I miss reading and commenting on all my favorite blogs so you dare not think I've forgotten that.
A hello to all new followers - I'll drop by your blogs too!
Miss me, people.
x

Me.

All Things Sad, Yummy, and Fat.

2011-03-02T05:52:00.005+05:00

'We must moan while eating,' answered Pecuchet, 'for it was by this path that mankind lost its innocence.'

- Bouvard and Pecuchet, Gustave Flaubert, 1881

I’ve heard from many people that they find it impossible to eat under stress or sadness. Chewing just morsels of a much needed dinner after a day of starving themselves is the last things they can bring themselves to do when dealing with tension.

After, for example, a recent heartbreak or getting sacked when in fact you had your hopes high, or even after a beloved pet cat dies, most people, from what I’ve gathered in the two decades of my life, would find it hard to swallow the yummiest of ice-cream, the tastiest of melting cheese pizza, and even the otherwise irresistible french-fries. Come on, it is french-fries, who can ignore such a crispy, spicy treat? Apparently, sad people can and often do.

Now, I find this quite hard to believe. In my case, and I take it mine is not the only case, I tend to eat more when sad/stressed/tensed. I tend to find myself more hungry and I crave things at a rate and intensity which is impossible to achieve when I am happy and content.

Now here is something interesting. This is not unusual. They, the Germans, even have a word for this condition, Kummerspeck, which means ‘grief bacon’ or ‘sad fat’. It is the fat around your belly that comes from you eating muffins, sundaes, omelets, chips, pizzas, noodles and all those yummy calories sitting on your bed with grief cutting through your heart while you watch a movie or read a book, with or without tears in your eyes, with or without the urge of beating the crap out of someone, with or without feeling like your life is falling apart, and with or without feeling like a complete and utter waste of space.

I am a kummerspeck - I hope that is the correct usage of this quite sad but very applicable German word. I cry. I crave. I eat. And I get fat. And when I am happy again, I regret all of it, esp. when I look at myself in the mirror. So here it is, where some people find themselves getting pale and anorexic, others indulge in all things eatable as a way to deal with life’s bitter moments. Which side do you belong to?

So, yes, lets own up to the fact that I'm a meddie.

2011-02-23T19:17:00.003+05:00

You all know I am a third year medical student. And that's all you know, right? Well here is more. <-- you do want to know more, right?

As a medical student in the first of my clinical years I have learnt a lot. My perspectives regarding everyday things have changed and I as a person have changed too. Paradigms have shifted. <-- I stopped watching cartoon network.

I’ll start by telling you that when I first stepped into the area that was a hospital, chockfull with ill people and their families, I tried to feel like a doctor; a crisp white coat, a stethoscope around my neck, my little notepad, ballpoint and a nicely tied up bun. I walked in with my friends, laughing and anticipating our first clinical posting, and now after being posted in three different wards, I do feel like a doctor. <-- In need of a vacation! Venice please?

I've always wanted a pink steth! *heart* Mine is gray. o.O

I have taken histories of patients. I started out with shadowing or cowering behind my friend as she tried taking a history, I started out having no idea of what to ask the patients about their illness, save for the name, age and occupation, I started out with feeling too sad about the sick people to ask them any questions.

And then, smoothly and gradually, I began taking histories myself, asking questions became easy once I knew the bazillion questions to ask about a certain symptom, for example, you’d be amazed to know that there are around 10 standard questions you definitely have to ask someone who comes in complaining of pain. And from the answers branch out even more questions. And from those questions alone, in most cases, you can come up with the diagnosis. Now, I have even taken history of patients who do not know either Urdu nor English. I never could have thought I’d be able to pull that off. But with a little bit of belief in myself and a whole lot of co-operation from a attendants who volunteered as translators, I’ve taken histories of Afghani women, Kashmiri women, Sindhi women and a man who spoke a language I do not remember.

I started out underestimating history taking, sticking out an imaginary tongue to all who would yap on and on about it and tell us each day to go and take a history. But now I know that history taking is an art, a skill so important for a doctor that if she/he can’t take a proper history, she/he might as well sit in a corner and eat bananas all day. <-- like a monkey.

The day I entered the labor room, I saw things which I can never not see again. I experienced a world in a matter of minutes. Three minutes to be precise. In the next half hour I witnessed the miracle called birth.
I saw women in pain, women bleeding, women breathing and women holding little bundles of joy, their babies, little white creatures, mewling and letting the world know they have arrived.

Naughty creatures. <3

I came across women who have had 16 children previously and girls who were married even before puberty. I put my first intravenous and intramuscular injections in patients who were more than glad to let student doctors near them. I drew blood and filled out patients’ vitals charts.I listened to the heartbeat of a fetus. Palpated a fetus, felt its tiny kicks on the palms of my hands.

The stammer and shyness of the girl I used to be has given way to a much more confident, doctor-like demeanor. I can talk professionally and amicably to patients who confide in me and even throw in a bit of humor here and there. I feel a kind of elation when a patient smiles or gets warm answering questions I ask them.

This is not me. But I look like this when I wear a mask - except for the hair. -.-

Still, there are a few things for which I have a long way to go. I cringe at palpating. I mean, I can’t even stand and observe someone pressing into someone’s abdomen, let alone do it myself. I do hope I get used to it though and stop hiding behind people and other tall objects so I don’t have to look at it. I can’t bring myself to do or observe a rectal examination, a part of which involves poking your gloved, lubricated finger into some ones rectum to feel around. No, thank you.. This is one thing I’d rather not get used to.

My reaction to a digital rectal examination. ICK!

I’ve learnt a lot about lumps, bumps, and other random objects that decide to pop out of your skin. I can take a general physical examination anytime and if you have a case of ringing ears or a runny nose, drop by and I’ll see what I can do. I’ve observed surgeries and I’ve observed ultrasound scans. I still have 3 more years of clinical rotations, and I know I am going to learn a lot of new things! And then, I’ll be a real doctor, so watch out.

One of them is me.! =D

OMGWTFBBQ and Question # 2

2011-02-20T18:38:00.035+05:00

Justin Bieber is a girl. That's old news.

In other news, check out these young men, having the time of their lives.

Check out the expression on their faces. O.o

And notice that wee little girl, in a green frock, all by herself. Do you feel sorry for her gluteus maximus? Hmm. I found this picture on a random facebook album.

And seriously, when I realized what was going on, I was like OMGWTFBBQ.

The Best way to experience OMGWTFBBQ is thus:
Return home, only to find your house is on fire: OMG
There is a herd of cows in what was your kitchen: WTF
The cows in your kitchen are also on fire: BBQ

Anyway.

Last night I was going to McDonald's to get myself and my cat two yummy fish burgers, yeah. So there I was walking with my cat in the dark, humming a song.. half-way I realized, "omgwtfbbq - why am I walking, I can order McDonald's!" So I walked back home and called 'em up.

*dials the number*

*rinnngg, rinnngg*

*crackly sound - someone picks up*

McDonald's : HELLO! Ronald McDonald speaking!

Me : Ronald McDonald...??
McDonald's : Yes, IT'S ME! =D
Me : OMGWTFBQQ. Stop being lame!
McDonald's : NO, it really IS me!
Me: Okay, okay. So umm, I wanna order two fish burgers..

I was feeling a bit uneasy ordering to someone who thought he it was cool to act like he was a red-haired clown.. I mean *pfft* ..only gay people joke around like this. It wasn't even funny.
There was a funny breathing sound coming from the other side of the phone while the gay order-taker punched in my order. I was waiting for him to ask me and confirm my address but..

McDonald's : Okay..... I... have.. your ...addressonmycomputer. It'll.. be.. there... in.. tweeennnntyyy.. minutes... ANYTHING ELSE??!!

Me : Nothing else. Uh, what's going on? You sure you don't need me to tell you my address?

McDonald's : NO. I HAVE IT.

Why the heck is he shouting? I could complain to the manager, y'know.

Me : Okay. How much will it be?
*silence for a two minutes*
I was gonna put the phone down.. But then came his voice.

McDonald's : Oh wait.! Do you have a condom?!?!

ME : OMGWTFBBQ??

Man, I am never calling 'em again.

Lol.
JK - I am ordering McDonald's later today.
You do know I made the whole story up right? I wanted something to go with the picture. Sorry. Haha. *embarrased, a bit*

Okay.. So, remember I started a Question Series. Well, ladies and gentlemen and all other creatures who read my blog. Here is Question # 2 of the series..

Whyyyy..whyy..why..??

QUESTION # 2 : Boyfriend, Y U NO talk to Girlfriend.? Why, why, why...?!!

Remember : Your answer has to be funny/random/whatever. Just don't get all serious. -_-
x

FML

2011-02-15T23:48:00.007+05:00

Off the internet.

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail.FML.

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML.

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML.

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML.

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML.

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML.

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML.

Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML.

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML.

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML.

My life rocks, like totally.

This 14th February, I'm gonna do an anti-valentine's post.

2011-02-14T18:28:00.008+05:00

Happy S.A.D? Hah, That's Happy Singles Awareness Day - in other words, Happy ~~unimaginative, consumerist-oriented, and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day~~ Valentine's Day.
So, what are you up to today? Stuffing down chocolates and love or stuffing down the urge to punch the diddly-eyed couples around you in the eyes?

Sad loser. Go home, it is Valentine's day.

Love is over-rated on Valentine's day. Or so I think, this year. I mean wtf.. That is it. What about all the fights and difference of opinions and misunderstandings that mostly follow chocolates and heart-shaped balloons *pop* and teddy-bears. <-- They're evil I tell you, with those round-black puppy eyes. Haha, I don't know what I am saying, but this Valentine's day I've decided to be sour.

Yeah, crappy valentine's day.

But I am not alone, Shakespeare here, agrees with me for a change.! Go Shakespeare! We love you!

I realized all those odes to love and Romeo and Juliet was a chuss-tareen use of time.. - Shakespeare.

I like~~, love and get swooned by~~ this scene from Letters to Juliet, but tell you what, the next picture - the black and white one, is more closer to reality... I warned you you guys, this whole post is going to be sour (except for the end). And I am wearing purple today.

And now, a few pictures off the internet that I'd like to put on my blog. Take 'em if you want. =/

I'm Mr.Lonely and the all the Single Ladies.

Yes, it is true ='(

And now for all the diddly-eyed people in love, I am not gonna disappoint you, Happy Valentine's day!!!! Yayie. *scoffs*

What's up, rabbit? Got tired of being the Easter bunny?

Question # 1

2011-02-11T16:49:00.001+05:00

How will you feel?

Okay, I am gonna start a series, where I will ask a question that you all have to answer. Nothing serious, just be funny. Get it? Piece of cake, right?

More about this series in the next post.

Birthdays

2011-02-05T03:33:00.009+05:00

Me. Her. At the birthday girl's place. Night. February, 4th, 2011.

Here's a little poem I made for Sidrah so she doesn't feel ancient, lol, and also because I like making poems for people on their birthday.

Twenty is an amazing year,

Lots of smiles and laughs and tears,

May you enjoy every moment,

Always be blessed and know it.!

We're friends, and that is so great,

We even have birthdays on such nearby dates,

May you always feel safe and light,

May Allah brighten up your life.!

Let there be love and the feeling of family,

Let there be miracles and beauty so that you live happily,

May your Prince Charming be for you the best of all,

He'll sweep you off your feet, for him when you fall.

We'll always be together and make our crazy dreams come true,

Stories and Venice and me and you,

You know how much you mean to me.!

A gem of a friend you'll always be.!

So Elf (Sidrah) turned twenty. We celebrated and had lots of fun. Yummy food (yes, we finally got a chance to go to Arizona Grill together - med school sucks the life out of us, but med school can be tossed away for a while when it is birthday time!), yummy cake (isn't it always?), shiny masks (thanks Saira, our big, friendly, giant! - she's the third of the trio; Me, Sidrah, Saira), crazy pics (snap, snap, snap) and the birthday cards and gifts! =D

Sheesh, that reminds me, I'm turning 21 on the 6th of Feb. Maybe I should do a dramatic post like the one Sidrah did a day before her birthday. Is 21 ancient? Nah, I don't even feel it.

Of Tears and Smiles and Christopher Egan

2011-01-30T22:38:00.007+05:00

I am a mess these days, an emotional one. I mean who cries while watching a movie? Not me. I have never! Okay, just this once long ago, during Finding Nemo.. in the beginning when the shark eats all the fish eggs. That made me hit the pause button and shed tears for a whole of five minutes.

But I digress. So I was watching Letters to Juliet and it turning out good was really a pleasant surprise. I laughed and my heart went out and I smiled a lot AND believe it or not, I CRIED! It is quite a happy movie, but I cried - the sentimental bits.. And that just goes to show what an emotional mess I am these days.

Amanda Seyfried acted amazingly well, frankly I did not know she could. This movie made me like her! Now, let's move on to even better stuff, Christopher Egan! Oh, you don't want me to begin.. Let's just say, before this movie I wasn't really bothered about him; I did not really know him and I did not care! But now, I'm besotted, lol. Actually, I'm besotted with the character of Egan in the movie, Charlie.

Amongst the scenes I loved is the one where Charlie and Sophie are sitting opposite each other and eating ice-cream, they're talking and suddenly they start rubbing the ice-cream cones on each others noses and mouths and then they laugh, it's all so childish and love - and I loved that part all the more because of my personal chronic cravings for ice-cream. Yes, I love eating ice-creams! Yum. =D

I'm going through a weird time in my life, confusion, work, studies and patient histories and the ever increasing worry about my ever increasing waistline. OMG, don't tell me I just wrote that on my blog! O.o Okay, cut me some slack for laying it out for the whole world to see just what a mess I'm in aaj kal. I mean, between all this crazy mess of a med school and emotional ups and downs due to reasons I'd rather not write here (long story), finding a good movie with good actors and the best songs I've listened for a while, that makes me feel, even if for just two hours, like I'm on Cloud 9. Didn't want to get out of that state of mind, but real life stepped in shaking me out of my Letters-to-Juliet mood. I do sound sentimental. Sigh.

Christopher Egan. <3 Amanda Seyfried.

Okay, so, I've decided that from now on I'll state a few - like 6- things about each movie I watch, and that'll be a part of my movie review. So, here goes:

Six things about the movie:

1) Amanda Seyfried has 'wow' hairstyles in this movie, *heart*. Here's a picture of one:

Sorry for the bad quality of the picture. =$

2) The songs in this movie are soo good.! My favorite one: "What If" - some lyrics..

What if we were made for each other

Born to become best friends and lovers

I want to stay right here

In this moment with you

Over and over and over again

And it is playing right now for like the twentieth time on my media player and I am singing along.

3) Christopher Egan is a heart-throb. Haha, yeah!

Isn't he?

4) Clair's and Lorenzo's love in the end is tear-jerkingly BEAUTIFUL!
5) After watching the movie I want to go to Verona!
6) I want to write answers to letters to Juliet for real. I wish something like that existed here and I worked there. =P

That's all for now.
xx

The Story of Chapters. (chapter 4 and 5)

2011-01-29T22:43:00.007+05:00

For Chapters 1 and 2 : click here.
For Chapter 3 : click here.

Chapter 4 : Going steady. At 17 years.
They sat along the shore, Howie and Rocket, talking, singing and in general, enjoying the view and each other. The water sprinkled upon them every time a wave crashed on the nearby rocks, the sea this day was calmer than usual. It was a slow, lazy summer day.
The onlookers saw them and felt warm inside as they peeked into the life of two friends, who didn't really care about what was around them. To them, all that mattered in those moments was the laughter, the knowing each other, the sharing and yes, the feeling of being together.

I know this story is getting a bit slow, but readers, that's how this summer day was.

Chapter 5 : Somewhere far away. At 17 years.
A self-proclaimed scientist, med-school dropout and much more (as you will later find out), Selena Lightbourne and her twin brother, James Lightbourne, also a self-proclaimed scientist but not a med-school dropout - on the contrary, a very successful surgeon, planned things that the world wasn't even dreaming of. These two had always been a thought and several steps ahead of the crowd. As kids, they lived up the neighborhood with their noisy, often destructive, but endlessly fun experiments and new ways to kill the summer boredom.
Now, while Howie was a mere 17, these two were somewhere in their late twenties, perhaps 28.
Selena and James, these days, worked on this little experiment and ultimately a survival plan they liked to call, "The New World" .. yes, the name is a bit of a giveaway. From their researches and meeting with those who knew about this subject, they knew a huge world-wide catastrophe, bigger than the one that killed the poor dinosaurs, would happen soon, like in 15 years.
They worked on how the human race would survive, what measures they must take in order to preserve the most important of genes, and things along that line. What they were unaware of, however, was the fact that the catastrophe was coming at the humans way faster, like in less than 10 years most humans -how unlucky - would be wiped off the face of Earth. And the lot that would remain - unlucky lot - would then have to work for the lucky ones who would come after them.
Selena and James worked in companionable silence, and they smiled every hour the cuckoo clock sang a song. They worked at a speed that turned hours into days, they had some of the most amazing genes the human race was bestowed with.

Zac Efron Talks

2011-01-25T19:11:00.009+05:00

So, this one time my friend.. well.. was supposed to interview Zac. And it was sort of fun. All that Zac said showed how he too is just so normal like the rest of us even tho' he is a huge celebrity! And yeah, he has a tendency to be funny too =P Like the rest of us =)

Umm, just so you know I took the pictures from some other website, while the captions are by me.

Hi, I am Zac =D

No, really, I am Zac =\

What do you mean?!! You don't know who Zac is?

Haven't you seen High School Musical? Haven't you seen 17 again?!!!

I'm serious! You have to know who I am!

Oh my God!!!

You were just kidding! Ofcourse you know who I am! Jeez, I thought you were serious!

Now I am embarrased...

Anyways! I'll tell you something.

This one time I went to a party

It was my sister's birthday actually. I dressed up as the Clown

When I first found out that I had to...

I was like.. YOU ARE KIDDING!!!?!!!!!!

But she was serious..

So I said, ooookaaaay...

Haha, and I bought a cute little clown costume

And it was soooo hard getting myself into it!

You know the funny little shirt, the fruity trousers, and the little socks and shoes....

But it felt good... You know, like it was a challenge.. I had to win..!

So I became a clown then and I looked so CUTE! But then I realised I did not know how to be funny

But I knew how to scare!!!

So the party started and everyone was there! And there I was as the Clown

I called my friend, Moolish.

Moolish said: No way am I coming to come to a kiddy birthday

When he said that, I was like, OKAY DUDE!!!!! Like i care!!!! I was WAY PISSED!

And right then realization dawned upon me. I knew I was enough to do the scary act. I needed no one!

Ahahaahaa thanks for saying you think so too. Now I will tell you what I did

Rawwwwrr!! Kids run! I am gonna get youu!!!!! Rawwwr!!!

But no one ran! I was shocked beyond belief!

What?!!!!! You don't think that was scary either?!!

You are such a jerk you know..

I am gonna make you cry ya know...

So you betta watch out!

And if you so want to know, Zac Efron did not could not make my friend cry. I mean, come on, Vampires do not cry! =D

PS : Yeah, yeah, this Vampire friend I speak of .. yeah *embarrassed* yeah he is the sparkle-boy Edward Cullen. Nah, he isn't a friend any more.. =\ Too gay.

This post is dedicated through and through to my best friends, Elf anf Wall-e. Laugh out loud, 'cos it has been done all over again for you both, my real-life friends and oldest blog readers.! As for all my other blogger friends - old and new, I hope y'all enjoyed and did not find it lame, hehe! *grins*

And She Gets a Blog Award - Yayie!

2011-01-24T12:50:00.010+05:00

Haha, really, yes I did =D Thank you Furree Katt for giving me the Versatile Blogger award and for liking my blog.! Oh yayie, look at it, all green and cute and the curly font, awesome! It was a total surprise getting this award and it made my day when I saw my name amongst all the other amazing bloggers.

Oh yes, I know been a bit too late in putting it up, better late than never.

So, umm.... I got this on Dec 27, 2010.. but as you all know I've been so terribly busy that I haven't even had time to eat cake and look at myself in the mirror, let alone blog... Anyway, now I am going to state 7 facts about myself, as this award requires and then award it to 7 other bloggers.. =D

Here goes:

7 Random Facts about Sana

♥ I have been blogging for a long time, like since the July of 2008 =D I used to have this other blog that is The Perfect Life. My first ever blog. ♥♥ It is still there and I've come a long way.

♥ I like junk food and all things yummy and I love food best when it's eaten while reading a good story-book or watching a movie. It just feels great!

♥ I want to dye my hair pink, in streaks. I know my parents and other people would be outraged.. I mean, who in their right mind gets their hair streaked a shocking pink. I'm not getting it done anytime soon, but I just want to. Lol.

♥ Sometimes I wish I had a cat who talked.. or that I could carry my best friend with me everywhere in one of those pokemon balls.

♥ I used to have huge mini-crushes on Darren Hayes, who turned out gay. On Zac Efron, who dances gay in Bet on It. And umm.. Owl City's Adam young - who sings gay, but amazingly. And lastly, on Ronan Keating and Jude Law - and the great thing this time is : both of them aren't at all gay!

♥ I like writing and I want to get what I write published someday *dreams*

♥ I want to travel the world when I grow up, with my best friends. Go to Venice, to Paris, to China, to Switzerland, Africa, Scotland, Singapore, Bali, London... *dreams some more*

And I give this award to

♥ Sidrah from Under the Magic Tree - You'll always be an Elf and one of the most lovable, funny bloggers.! I love all your stories and poems.

♥ SaJ from Bleargh! - Has one of the wickedest blogs with posts that are as versatile as they can get.

♥ Tazeen from Crimson Sky - Been reading her blog ever since it was a simple white template with posts about her dreams, and in such detail. You've come a long way, and I love you MS PAINT doodles! =D

♥ Najwa from Days in life of a Pakistani girl ! - She's a fellow Dowite and so I like reading her blog. =)

♥ Mia from Que Sera Sera - I love what she writes and her blog has one of the coolest names ever!

♥ Ubaid from Beyond the Canvas - Amazing photography, amazing text!

♥ AcetylCholine from Critical Velocity - for the most random, funny, med-of-sorts blog.

So, that is *counts* seven..

But.. I am going to give this award also to two more bloggers,

♥ Blasphemous Aesthete from Aesthetic Blasphemy - for his thoughts. You have a thinker (read: philosopher?) in there!

♥ Nostalgic from My Incomplete Chronicles - I read her blog from time to time, and I LIKE her posts.

Oh, so that is about it =D Again, thanks Furree and all the people who come by and like my blog. I know I've been busy but hopefully I'll be back to posting more regularly. I've started this story that I've written in the last two posts so do give it a read and tell me how you like it.

I love you all, even the ones whom I haven't mentioned in this post. You all make my day just by reading and leaving comments on my blog. Lol, I know I always say this - but it just makes me so HAPPY.

Also, the people I've awarded it to have to write 7 random facts about themselves and award it to 7 bloggers as well. So do that. =D

The Story of Chapters. (chapter 3)

2011-01-23T19:11:00.010+05:00

For Chapters 1 and 2 : click here.

Chapter 3 - They meet again. At 26 years.

In a coffee shop on a winter day. It was early January. Howie sipped coffee, holding the hot mug in his fluffy gloved palm. His forehead was wrinkled with concentration, he gazed how parts of his coffee became white and then brown again on their own. Or rather every time he moved the coffee mug away from his lips and kept in on the table.

In front of Howie, in much the same demeanor, she sat. A few minutes of silence later a "Hello?! Anyone there?" escaped from her mouth and she rapped on the table a bit too impatiently. He didn't budge. But then he looked up and said "Hey there, nice to meet you again. How have you been Rocket?"

That was her name, Rocket.

"Bad, I've been real bad Howie," she managed.

"Why?"

"Long story there, remember. How have you been?"

"Don't ask me. I've been through a lot after what happened that night.. you remember?"

""Of course I do, silly! How can I forget. I still wake up in the middle of the night sweating, and then I realize I have been only dreaming about it."

"I like you y'know. Don't be so hard on yourself. We couldn't have done anything about it, we were too far away.. It was just bad luck."

"I still think we shouldn't have gone out that night. We could have saved him, he'd still be here," she smiled as she said this and a little drop of tear trickled down her cheek.

He went back to concentrating into the mug, and drops of tears came hitting down on the coffee and on the table.

They were meeting after 4 months.. Four months after the death of a baby. Theirs.

More soon.

The Story of Chapters. (chapter 1 and 2)

2011-01-19T14:38:00.008+05:00

(Going to start writing fiction again. Hope you all enjoy.)
The years are Howie's.

"Let's die and go to heaven..", whispered the two souls to each other. Trapped in a space of dark nothingness, lost into the end of time. It was a place where nothing changed and whatever it was, that was the replacement of time, rolled on and on unto itself. Enough of everything.. Let go.

Chapter 1 - The sweet beginning. At 17 years.
It started with a kiss on the cheek, a rose brushing her eyes and a bright sun shining above her head. Giggles surrounded her and she turned to the right and saw four little boys playing with cars under a tree. Small, dinky cars of bright blue, yellow, green and red. She turned to the left and saw more kids running all around the ground . It was spring in full swing and butterflies were fluttering over the colorful roses, the yellow daffodils, the pink and red daisies and the blue and yellow irises.He stood in front of her with a pink rose in his hand and laughed like a crazy man who had just died and gone to heaven. She stood there with her liquid-brown eyes taking all the beauty in.

Chapter 2 - The changes. At 21 years.
As life went on and as spring rustled into autumn and as autumn sizzled into summer, as the baby birds grew up and caught their own worms, the beauty around them changed. The crazy laughs grew faint as did the twinkle in the liquid-brown eyes. Hearts grew more attached and the world became an ill-defined place.. Everything happened as it had always happened. She was late for work and as she slipped into her morning clothes, the girl paused a moment to reflect upon the last few years of her life.. The alarm clock sang again from the other room and she rushed to put it out of snooze and with that her thoughts dispersed.

More soon.

Mai bhi aik mard hoon.. Lol..!!

2011-01-05T19:28:00.003+05:00

So, yesterday in the gynecology/obstetrics ward something shockingly funny happened. A fight - between a doctor and a patient. Well, not exactly one involving punches/blood/swear words.. It was the patient, and a very uncooperative pregnant lady at that.
If you don't already know, Civil Hospital is a government-run hospital and the patients there are mostly poor and illiterate, so..

Doctor (after taking the history of and examining the woman) : Aap apnay mard ko bulaye. (Call your man/husband.)

Pregnant lady : Kiu, kiu bulaun mai? Nahin bula rahi. (Why, why should I call him? I'm not calling him.)

Doctor : Arey, mujhey unn se kuch cheezein puchni hain, aap bulaye apnay mard ko. (I want to ask him some questions. Call your man.)

Pregnant lady (gets all agressive!) : Nahin bula rahi mai! Mai bhi aik mard hoon! Mere ander se mard nikalay ga! Koee pehli baar nahin ayi hoon hospital, iss se pehle 15 bachay peda kerwa chuki hun! (No, I'm not calling him! I am a man too! I have a man inside me! Not the first time I've come to a hospital! I've delivered 15 babies before!)

She's the man!

Lol. I don't know whether she called her man or not. =P But this sure was one weird fight! See ya! =)

This Year in Pictures

2010-12-31T19:30:00.042+05:00

JANUARY - Tears of blood stain death-white skin, it's a new year with the same old fights.

FEBRUARY - Twentieth birthday, and life is good, candles and smiles.

MARCH - Friends, dances, laughs, and pictures.

APRIL - Love is forever.

MAY - Working hard.

JUNE - Bipolar reflections.

JULY - Life, in a cup of tea, books and love.

AUGUST - A new beginning. You make me smile.

SEPTEMBER - Eid-ul-Fitr.

OCTOBER - Electives at NICH, where we grew up, shared good times,had fun, learnt a lot.

NOVEMBER - Dealing with a different kind of sadness, passing away of a loved one.

DECEMBER - Give me your hand. Getting up again, stronger and better.

I'd have loved to use more pictures from my camera as these are just off the internet, but pretty good, right.? My laptop's not working, so I have to make do with this =) I'll do another post of this year in words as soon as possible, because there is a lot more stuff that happened this year, many memories and amazing changes than what these pictures can say and that I'd like to blog about. Happy new year everyone and to all my followers.. thanks for loving my blog and for all the amazing comments, you my life brighter.

GOODBYE 2010.. HELLO 2011..!

I went to a book fair...

2010-12-26T12:52:00.001+05:00

And here is what I got..

Can't wait to read. =)

Thank God it's Sunday

2010-12-12T13:06:00.002+05:00

Happy Sunday!! There are so many possibilities today and a million wonderful things to do!

I've been so busy lately with my clinical posting in ENT that I haven't had the time to even study my basic third year course. Yes, it's time for me to whine on my blog now..
My room is a mess! I would post a picture for you all but I don't have the time for that.
I am a mess, yes, haven't taken care of me at all. My clothes are everywhere, my face looks dull and my nails are history, need to cut 'em.

Moving on, I'll write a bit of what I have to do in the ward (ear, nose, throat ward) - mostly, we take histories of the admitted patients. Ever so co-operative, they answer the questions we ask them and then stay patient while we take our time to write down their answers before we ask another question. The cases are real bad. Cancers of the mouth, gunshots in the throat, tonsillitis and what not! If there's one thing I'd like to say to everyone right now, it will be : STAY AWAY from pan, chalia and cigarettes, you have NO IDEA what they can do to you. Almost all the cases here love chewing pan, chalia. It's really sad. A lot of people also have fungus inside their skull cavities, they get operated for that.

I've seen a lot of surgeries and have to some extent learnt how to examine the ear, nose and throat. The thing about the operation theater is that sometimes there are too many people and it's hard to get a nice view of what's going on. There's a lot of blood. But what really gets to me is the thought that humans are so BEYCHARAY (helpless) .. I can't explain this feeling right now .. kinda like we are prisoners of our bodies.

There is so much I want to write.. so much in my head. I hope I get the time to.

More later =) Sunday feels like a blessing. I have to do a lot of cleaning up and hopefully study. See ya.

Third Year, Here I Come

2010-11-25T16:11:00.000+05:00

Fifth semester starts tomorrow. Can't say I'm not excited. Clinical rotations and actual disease and drug studies. Finally, a great chance to start feeling like a real doctor.
Will write more about it soon. Cya.

Growing Up

2010-11-14T16:33:00.004+05:00

I have started maturing in a lot of ways. I feel it. The most important thing that makes me feel so is the sudden strong sense of using time properly. Doing constructive things and not having crazy urges anymore to keep surfing online when I have more important things to take care of, like studies and reading and cleaning my room. I have control of myself now, and it's very smooth, natural.
I feel like I have perspective now. Not that I did not before. But suddenly, the view is getting clearer. It feels good.
But, I dream like a child when I do. A little girl's heart is what I'll always have. =)
I would so love to turn into a little boy every bakra eid and make a run with the cows and goats, screaming and shouting at the top of my lungs with all the other little boys "Gai ayi, gai ayi, oooo aaa, hee haw.. hee haw.." perspiring, oozing with energy, feeling the adrenaline rush!

10th Nov. 2010, Wed. 22:01.

I've learned.. no not learned, but have come to peace inside me.. with something that I have known for long but never really felt it. Of not being afraid of change.. or of obsessively thinking about a particular thing, of having it on my mind for hours or days. I have discovered that change will, in time, always familiarize. And an obsession, never more than a couple of days, will fade into another. Equilibrium will always be established and life will go on.

Same day, 23:08.

Trespassing

2010-11-10T13:00:00.002+05:00

These days I'm reading a novel set in Karachi : Trespassing, by Uzma Aslam Khan. It is a good read, very. The author does a nice job bringing the characters to life, explaining their problems and mind-sets. It does have a very Karachi feel to it. From the feelings of returning back to Karachi from America and the dehshat of strikes announced by the political parties, to the talk of marriage and the rishta thing in a very traditional way.

Anyway, the reason I am writing about it is : I was quarter-way through and the two girls, Dia and Nini, in the novel, were talking.. And as they walked in their college, the author described it. Just reading the first line made me think of my college. The author proceeded, and went on to describe a school connected to the college, a Catholic school. I felt a chill, this WAS my school, that I love a lot - I've done a post about it on this blog, she was talking about and MY college! Just a couple of paragraphs, and I imagined. It felt special. To read about what's mine in a novel by another person and recognize, know what she is talking about. To have lived there, to know more about it than the other readers would ever know. Uzma Aslam Khan has described very little, but that very nicely. I wished as I read that she would keep on describing, telling more. But just a couple of paragraphs and that's it. Still it felt home.

I wish this novel belonged to me now, I have rented it from The Reader's Club and will have to return it when I am done. If I ever come across it when I go shopping for books, this is one novel I am going to bring home.

The IF Poem

2010-10-30T11:51:00.000+05:00

What if there was no 'if'
And all our if's came true
If horses could fly,
Horses flew,
And if you wished,
The grass is blue.
You are the president of the country,
You are superman,
There are chocolate fountains,
And eggs of gold from all the hens.
There's no boring home-work,
The teachers never scold,
No one ever gets sick,
Dies young nor grows old.
This world would be a mess,
We'd pray for 'IF' to come back.
If's and but's are alright,
Remember though, you still should fight.
Don't let an 'if' ever make you hopeless,
If you are determined, you can be the best!

Behind Closed Doors

2010-10-23T18:14:00.005+05:00

Love is all it takes to make my heart feel right,
Throw away the drugs you make me take to fall asleep every night,
Put your arms around me and whisper words of comfort in my ears,
Be my savior and wash away my fears.

The doctor put his arms around the patient's delicate waist,
The pallid face smiled and brightened up a bit,
The doctor let the patient drink a little bit of his love,
He was scared of his colleagues catching him, they'd more than just scoff.

He backed away from her and put his white coat on,
His stethoscope hung around his neck,
He checked his watch and it had been long.

The patient was left alone in the dimly-lit, cold room,
A storage room, it felt like, for flowers that would maybe bloom.

It wouldn't matter if she sighed or frowned,
The doctor was already walking out,
The patient screamed without a sound,
Patiently staring all around.

They waited outside, troubled souls,
The patient will slowly heal behind closed doors.

Saving a Life.

Beyond the Poppy Fields

2010-10-23T18:01:00.004+05:00

Hospitals are a different world,
Of sick people and people throwing up,
Blood transfusions and platelet counts,
Corridors thick with heaving accounts.

Come up next patient, ready with your history,
After tests and scans your disease won't remain a mystery,
He has hemolytic anemia due to either drugs, genes or malaria,
We're still trying to figure out if it's sickle cells or thalassemia.

Get ready, lie down and pull up your shirt,
Breathe in, breathe out, baby it ain't gonna hurt,
We'll palpate your liver, your spleen and around,
Nurse, give me the stethoscope I need to hear his sounds.

Be scared not of the doctors, they have read all the books,
Be not scared of the syringes no matter how painful it all looks,
Your doctor's been through med school and has given all it took -
Metastases, Intoxications, Tophaceous Gouty accumulations,
Arthritis, Meningitis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis,
Come on, come on, hyperventilate,
There's only so much acid I can take.

Bruised and Bandaged.

End of Semester 4

2010-10-15T22:58:00.001+05:00

Electives at NICH started today, just a day after the exams got over. Exams coming to an end is a strange sense of freedom, the kind that has mixed in with it nostalgia. I mean, for weeks all I did was study and then all of a sudden I have ALL the time of the day to do ANYTHING I like.

...more later. So tired now. Have to get up early at 7 again.

Monsters R Us

2010-10-07T02:13:00.003+05:00

Life is a mess. Exams? Yes, the stress of it that makes us monsters.. even more so when you aren't one of the very nice people who have an easy time concentrating on the books, no matter what. I don't okay, well it depends on whether I want to or not. I want to be happy to be able to concentrate, I want a nice cup of tea, I want a nice quiet place, and a nice happy feeling that comes from laughs with family and best friends, I want a bit of motivation that is secondary to happiness and comes when I imagine myself getting that mark-sheet that boldly exclaims an amazing GPA for me.
I want things at home to be smooth and happy. A happy family. I hate it when we fight so much, even though it's only over the remote control. I want to be accomplishing more in my day than I do right now. Most of it gets sucked away by idher udher ki, unnecessary negativity. All the time, energy, mood, hope, etc. I mean that's all that really matters. And with 'em go my dreams and my future out of the window, a bit everyday, no?
Isn't the way I imagined life. Yes, I do have a rose-tinted view, and that's how I believe my life is.. really, except for the cursed little, what should I call 'em, obstacles? Negativity obstacles?
Ugh. I'm done with this. I will,

Not fight any more unless it has a point. I will break the vicious cycle, it ends up making us feel emptier.
I will try to fix my sleep cycle.
I will start praying more often and do random good things for other people.
I will fix an hour or two if each day that will strictly be for reading/writing.
I will study responsibly and not make a fuss, try.
Smile and be patient in the face if crapness. =]
Spread good? Feel good.
Take care of those I love. *heart*
Control my bad mood, instead of letting it control me.
Drop by Sidrah's blog. I so am wanting to. Read her posts and comment. =) (And visit all the other awesome blogs I have in my list - Yes I will be back soon.)
And also, reply back to people who leave comments on my blog. They make me happy! =)

^_^

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

2010-10-07T01:46:00.002+05:00

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines

What's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

When Best Friends Fight

2010-10-03T03:40:00.000+05:00

Last few days have been more of the worst of than the best of days. My life almost sucks. I have become from being a happy, lively, loving person to a dead, teary-eyed zombie poisoned with bright, red, painful hate and the other negative emotions. Exams have been part of the reason, I think. Right now I feel so alone and it's like I have grown up, grown old in the last couple of weeks. I'm sad, I tell myself this is life.. breaking into glittering shards all around me. The pain and hurt of a best friend lost, almost at moments, is indescribable.. or maybe it isn't.
I've come to accept a lot of things that make people grow up. =( I thought I would never have to. I still hope I don't..
Where did the innocent laughter and funny moments go. When did we grow up.Why did we start fighting like best friends aren't supposed to. Why do we purposely hurt each other, with words? Why do we hurt ourselves? Why do we make each other hate themselves. This isn't what being best friends is about. =(

I miss the happier times. The times when trust was trust, pure, unadulterated trust. When help came without asking and life was so much more simpler. And it wasn't very long ago, just a month or two back? I want a teddy bear and I want to hug it. I want a fairy godmother to come and help me out of this mess.
I can't lose a best friend like this.
I will not hate me either.. like I have become wont to now. No. No matter how bad things may get, loving yourself and having faith comes utmost, when you have the best of intentions. None of you deserves a bad treatment. Look how far we have come, look how you have grown up. Not really, you're still a little naive, shy girl deep down inside, who has small dreams and big dreams and a heart brimming with love. Save her, protect her. Save both of yourselves, both of you. No, I won't let anything kill who I am, who we used to be... We still are, care to see? Down deep.
You're still the person who makes me laugh. I'm still the person who loves to laugh. You're the chocolates and rain that are only mine. When you laugh, I feel alive inside. We have our jokes and our promises to keep. We have been amazing, beautiful so far.. Why now, do we weep?

The smile on your face

Lets me know

That you need me

There's a truth

In your eyes

Saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says

You'll catch me

Whenever I fall

You say it best

When you say

Nothing at all

Little Miss Sunshine

2010-10-02T20:57:00.002+05:00

I just watched Little Miss Sunshine. It was such a bitter-sweet movie. It was life as it is, raw. And it touched me how one family, despite everything bent upon making things fall apart from them, lived. How they had fun, how they forgave, loved and were there for each other. It was innocence and naiveté and life, as Olive. Giving life a second chance no matter what sort of mess you got yourself into, as Frank. Experience, crudeness and love, as Grandpa. Determinism, letting go and finding new hope, as Dwayne. Standing firm, as Olive's dad. And keeping it all together, as Sheryl, Olive's mom.

This movie made me laugh and made me tear, and the ending made it all worth it with a smile whose warmness spread all over me. =) It has been a long time since I watched a movie (busy with exams) and since I watched such a movie. It feels great right now. I can watch this one, I have a feeling, over and over again. I think there would be no one who can't relate to it. It's about problems and love, being being there for your family to create happy little moment even between doubts and confusion and all the shit there ever can be!

In other news, I got done with my theory papers. Now all there's left are OSPE's for each subject. I have a good feeling, InshaAllah, they're gonna be good. And after that I am gonna be doing a month of electives at NICH. That's National Institute of Child Health. I know I have been away from the blog world, but here I am, so Hello! =D

Busy me

2010-09-11T22:09:00.005+05:00

Busy with eid, final exams and the final editing of my upcoming book (due end of THIS year).
Just kidding about the last bit. =P I wish! I wish!
Eid has been good. ^_^

Bookie days and bookie nights.

Exam prep is now on my head. Lots to study. Wish me luck. This semester is going to be bye-bye anatomy, physiology and biochemistry.
I soo want that GPA, I'm gonna be the coolest nerd then. =D
xx

Ohh, and I applied mehendi. Remember I said how I did not want to go to an over-crowded *and over-priced* place on chand-raat to get my hands done with henna this time? Well, I did not. I stayed home, bought a nice mehendi cone, searched online for designs, turned on some music and got to work. It came out pretty well for a first-timer, that's meee. And who cares if that tika is slightly off the middle or the lines are a bit crooked? I'm happy and proud of what I did. =D I had fun with the cone and the tissues and the best parts : showing it to my family and my besties.
Might post a picture here too.

Eid Mubarak everyone. Hope y'all had tonnes of fun and got your wallets and pockets weighing down with eidi.

PS : Mm, I won't be posting much now, but keep checking. I'll be free now in October. Until then, drop by my old blog if you so want to. It has some interesting reads : posts, stories, poems! Bleh. =D Here.

PPS: I'll, of course, be coming online and checking out your blogs, the ones I follow =D IF my studies keep going smoothly as planned. *fingers crossed*
Sidrah, yours too.! =) Yayie!

Also, Sidrah and I have made a fabulous new blog. ^_^ Fabulous Lameness.
Be seeing ya.!

Not mine. But I want. ^_^

My Reflection

2010-09-08T20:26:00.002+05:00

Come find me my reflection,

We had a fight today,

It hurts still deep inside,

Remembering the things you said.

Even though you did not mean 'em, but I bleed nonetheless.
I wonder still what it meant.

I know I hurt you too,

But it was only to save myself from being hurt.

It's dark and now I'm feeling hollow,

I can't even rhyme my hurt.

My heart is broken a tiny bit,

As a few flowers wilt in our perfect fairytale,

Come find me my reflection,

I numb from the bitter hate.

I don't feel good about myself,

Is this how it's mean to be?

When things don't work out,

Is this the way it will forever be?

Love means never having to say you're sorry,

I have always loved you my reflection.

Should I for once block and suppress the hurt?

Should we go on like nothing just happened?

Come find me my reflection.

Smile, my reflection.

PS - My mom and sister got me a pair of nice black shoes today. =)

A Sad Story with a Happy Ending

2010-09-07T00:11:00.001+05:00

So, she had a big mouth. He had big arms. The rest is history.

Thing is, Kinserella, much like her favorite actress Julia Roberts, had a big mouth. Her grin spanned literally from ear to ear. And her words spanned literally from weekend to weekend. She never stopped speaking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She spoke sense at first, but later on in life, sense went for a long vacation. She found sharp, bitter, senseless staring seductively at her. She took it in her arms and took it in. From then on she annoyed the piss out of anyone who dared listen to her.

One fine day she met a man with big, big arms. After a couple of hours he punched her in the mouth. The end of the big mouth.

His name was Poopy Scoop. He was a sad man. This was the only nice thing he had ever done. People loved him now. His life changed over night. People told their kids about The Big Punch. He became their hero. Kids every where wanted to punch now. It was their passion, their dream to become half as good a puncher as Poopy Scoop Schools started giving punching lessons. He punched bad-mouths and saved the world. The Powerpuff Girls worshiped him. A time came around when people wrote books titled How to Punch Effectively, Punching for the Greater Good, etc. Soon he changed his name to Pauper Skye. He soared high above the sky. He became a happy man.

This is what Kinserella would have done if she could.

The End

In an alternate ending : Pauper Skye got bored of this life full of punches. He decided to go for some plastic surgery and changed his name again to Justin Bieber. A second puberty. A second shot at fame. A second chance to rule the world. *tear*

This is what Kinserella SHOULD HAVE done!!

The End

Ridiculous Prejudice

2010-09-05T20:31:00.003+05:00

When someone criticizes other people on the basis of difference I feel very turned-off. Just because someone is not the way you are, dresses, talks differently or believes in things that you don't doesn't make that other person wrong. People who do this, this criticizing and ridiculing, I think are very narrow-minded and need to open a bit, I mean in the thinking department. No one is standard. No one is above all. No one has the licence to tell someone to stop believing in something, or dressing the way they dress or do the things the do. I am not talking about bad things here though, like stealing, drunk driving etc. From those of course you should stop someone if you can. But no, no, no... nowadays evil is out in the open, and no one so much as stops and blinks, or tries to stop it.
I am writing this post because of someone who very umm badly made fun of moulvis (their appearance etc) and people who go to mosque for dars. I mean I never have in my whole life gone to a dars. But I don't ridicule people who do. It's not like dars is bad, I never have gone for the simple reason that I never have gone, that's it. The people who make fun like this and say really bad things lowly things only end up ruining their own image in my eyes. Well, I wouldn't feel as much respect for them as I did before. It is all very superficial of them. I like deep. I guess the best person is the one who has the best virtues.
Have an open heart and an open mind. And put a cork in those thoughtless comments that might hurt someone. No, they aren't funny and I am not laughing.

Yes, whatever.

Oh and I wrote this post in a hurry. Usually how I write my thoughts is much better. I couldn't properly explain everything and it might seem like there is a lot of careless blabbing and a lot of points that are missing. But anyway, you get the picture.
Oh by the way I feel like changing my blog template again. Something black, purple - not pink. I likelike pink, but I feel other-colorish now.

Musty Odors and Other News

2010-09-04T20:04:00.005+05:00

What I've been up to: I've been studying biochemistry all of today. *exams after Eid* It's interesting. Oh wait I have to look up what 'musty odor' means. *looking up*
I wish Google would have made a musty smell emit from the computer screen.. then I would know exactly what it is. But for now, it's a damp, moldy smell. The one from a wet carpet? Maybe. Thing is, people who have Phenylketonuria, a disease in which one the essential amino acids is in high concentration in the blood, body tissues and urine. And this makes all of them smell musty! Esp. their urine.
In other news: I made porridge today, it was good. I messed the bit where you need to get the right amount of water and milk, but now I have a better idea of the wheat-flakes:water:milk:sugar ratio.

Yummmm...

Ooh and I made fresh lemonade. I don't much like squeezing the jiuce out of lemons because it makes my fingers sticky. I have to say Tang lemon juice does an amazing job, but we ran out of it after 24 hours of opening the packet. Yes, my family consumes a lot even in Ramazan. My mom sez we are jinn bhoot. Oo
Also, Eid is almost here. The shopping has been taken care of and all that's left is a cone of mehendi. This year I want to apply henna myself on chaand raat! And not from some over-crowded bazaar or beauty parlour. I shall post a picture if it turns out good.
Well, I guess that's all for now. Time to hit the books.

The Forest Side

2010-09-02T21:19:00.002+05:00

The old man walked unsteadily, blindly through the forest. It was raining heavily and the wind was strong and cold. Trees fell and far away was the sound of window glasses smashing and breaking. He reached his hut in the corner of the forest and inside the hut was filled with tiny giggles and innocent talks. His two children, aged 4 and 5 lit up brighter than the candle on the floor as they saw him enter. The little girl and the boy ran into him and hugged and wrapped around him. The old man bent down and pulled those two up as they tugged at his shirt and pockets and sleeves. They did not find any food there, so they quietened a bit. But they smiled again as their father started telling them the same story he often told them before he put the two cherubs to bed. The old man smiled too. He loved his children and he knew and wished this life in the forest would soon pass. He ruffled their hair, thick and curly brown, they were asleep now on the the sofa sides, and so was he between them.

So Random

2010-08-30T04:16:00.004+05:00

Oh. My final exams are from the 19th of September. That leaves me with *counts* around 20 days to study. I have a lot of stuff to go through. I have studied better this semester. The classes have been okay. I mean, things were relatively easier this semester - I'd begun understanding little things that had me confused before. And anatomy doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I can pull this off. This one time, for the first time. A good gpa will be a good and much needed change and good ospe exams also, which so far I have messed up badly. I mean blank in the head and on the face in front of externals? Not good. Really.

Not at all!

Yeah, I know this post is getting boring, but gaah, bear with me people! A friend just text messaged me, well it was a message I had sent to her and another friend like last year! Wow. Time sure does fly by. Thank God I don't get emo anymore during nights.I'm up and its 3.35 AM. I have decided not to sleep and stay up for sehri and after. Gee, but I won't let this happen again, I don't much fancy zombie-Sana. That's me, from lack of sleep and/or messed up sleep cycle. See, sleep is a huge thing for me. And it should be. After all, it's the one thing that makes us all human, Otherwise we get cranky. But it's okay, I studied tonight and watched a lot of medical videos. That's a good thing.
Bleh, I don't even know what I am writing anymore.
It's a best friend's exam tomorrow. Hope it goes great. =)

Best of luck.

I might be getting a blog award from Sidrah soon =P Can't wait for it! I mean, I have never been awarded for this amazing (umm, yes it is - coz it's mine!) blog before! By the way, before I forget and before I end this post, I have to write about this amazing book I'm reading these days: Ringworld, by Larry Niven. It's great! It's sci-fi and just how it takes you from your bedroom into the world of pupetteers and kzinti and on a space journey to Ringworld is mind-blowing. Niven describes stuff so well! The Ringworld, the world that this book is about, is soo real, even thought it does not exist. I have to say, it makes me want to read more sci-fi. Imagination, thy food is sci-fi. Lame, I know.

Time for Sehri now, I'm off.!

The Ringworld.

My School

2010-08-24T02:28:00.007+05:00

I miss my school. I studied in a convent. It was such a perfect place. Back then, it might have been a blur of days, but now as I reminisce, I feel a bittersweet longing to go back to that place. Like a magical kingdom that is set apart from the rest of the ordinary world, St.Joseph's Convent High School was a place of magic. It had it's own rules, ways, festivities and it has made me the young lady that I am today. The teachers there always used to tell us how this convent will groom us into polite, young ladies, and it has without doubt.
That place lives in my heart. And now it feels like home. Back then when I heard this very same feeling experienced by the ex-students who returned to school and talked to us on one occasion or the other, I could't quite believe that it was true. Or even from teachers who previously were students. But now I know how true that feeling is, how true they were.

Here's a bit of history, if anyone is so interested:

In the year 1861,Monsignor Steins, Vicar Apostolic of Bombay passing through Belgium called Mother Marie Therese, Superior General and founders of the Daughter of the Cross, and asked for several of her sisters to work in the Indian mission field. Canon Habets, co-founder, advised the Sisters to offer themselves for the mission. On January 27th 1862, the journey began. Five Sisters set off and on 16th February in Bombay, where they received a hearty welcome from the good Bishop Steins. There the Sisters heard for the first time that they were to work in Karachi, and that he would travel along with them very shortly. Thus on march 13th 1862 the five Daughters of the Cross first set foot on the sandy soil of Sindh, and immediately began their apostolate to the people of Karachi. On March 18th, school began with 10 pupils, slowly the number of pupils increased. A new building was built, and inside the foundation stone was placed an elaborate inscription hoping that the building raised above it "might be the home whence good morals and sound learning may be diffused throughout this town and the Province of Sindh." In 1958 the swimming pool was closed and transformed into the Lourdes House and in 1965 a part of the garden saw the raising of the present Primary Block. With the creation of Pakistan a new challenge was thrown to the Sisters. The people who migrated to Pakistan were looking for schools for their children and the Sisters responded generously stretching their capacity to the limit. Today the school has more than 2000 pupils on its rolls. The School enjoys a good reputation and is much in demand among the citizens of Karachi. This grand old school building is not only a proud possession of the Convent and its students, but also an extremely important landmark in the history of Karachi.

And it is such a history that I am very proud of. What I love most about St.Joseph's are the flowers, the honeybees and the butterflies, the school song, the impeccability of things, the devoted teachers, the manners taught to us and how firm they were with us, the canteen, the emphasis on good grammar and the weeks of practice in the sun for a flawless Sport's day we put together for the parents - how dedicated the teacher's were!

The blue and white Peter-pan collars and how when class 3 started we moved on to the more grown-up collars. How we picked out our House Colors from a bag of chits the PT teacher put in front of all one by one, hoping my chit to say Red.. when Miss Jessica said we all could unfold the little piece of paper and I found out mine read yellow, I felt a bit down but then, later on, I came to love Yellow. Then there were jokes amongst us with which we would tease the ones who had different house colors. I won't write 'em here now, except this one : Yellow, yellow dirty fellow. Yeah, we had 'em for Red, Green and Blue too, and yes I remember them very clearly.

I loved the sections that were named after flowers. I remember mine from class 1 through 10. They go like: 1 Lilies, 2 Sunflowers, 3 Sunflowers, 4 Roses, 5 Roses, 6 Lilies, 7 Pansies, 8 Roses. Class 9 and 10 were different, 9 Science I and 10 Science II. As a little girl of Class 1 Lilies I had to wear around my neck my ID card that was colored by me on the first day of school. The class teacher, Miss Patricia, had distributed squares of paper with a huge Lily printed of each, one per pupil and we colored it and write our names on it. We had them coated with plastic. I wore it every morning to school for a year.

I remember my shiny, black buckle-shoes, my blue-and-white hair band similar to the pattern on the uniform's collar and sleeves, the beige uniform and my shortish hair. =)

I remember the neat, green report cards and the classes we had apart from studies. I will write the other memories in more posts. They are too many to be written in one.
It is getting late now, I must sleep. I have med.school tomorrow. I sure have grown up.

But I shall always be a Josephine.

Moondust

2010-08-22T17:00:00.001+05:00

Sitting on the edge of the pale moon,
Watching drops of magic trickle by,
Sparkling like morning dew,
An Earthling felt a little shy.

He looked around,
Such a motley crew,
The planets, the stars, the meteors, the dew,
He felt his hand upon his heart,
He felt a beating just start.

He held some moondust in his hands,
It looked as white as snow,
He thought of his time on Earth,
And then he let it go.

hip hip hurray!!!

If I could, I would

2010-08-19T06:48:00.002+05:00

If I could fly to the moon and back, I would.

If I could be a world leader whom people would listen to, whom the evil ones wouldn't kill, I would.. and make something good for all life.

If I could go to little, innocent kids who have to grow up too early, and read bedtime stories to them I would.

If I could work as a part-time editor for Reader's digest or Dawn, or write a weekly column for a good magazine, I would.

If I could meet one friend every weekend, I would.

If I could put in a few more hours in my day, I would.

If I could go to Venice with my best friends, I would.

If I could step into and out of my favorite books and movies and pictures, I would.

Love

2010-08-17T21:01:00.001+05:00

Loving and being loved is such a special feeling. It is rare and when it comes from a best friend, it is so rare it is hard to find words to describe it perfectly.
It feels like the sun shining upon you.
It feels like the birds chirping around you as you start your day.
It is the feeling of raindrops pitter-pattering and a cool breeze blowing away.
It is like a hot cup of chocolate milkshake by the fireplace and it is like a smile that has come to stay.
It is the sound of innocent laughter and giggles that make you all warm and ticklish inside.
It feels like a soft, pure touch that makes you melt inside.
It is like an iceberg melting in hot lava.
It is you and a homey feeling, always and forever.

Prize Bulls and Pakistani Songs

2010-08-10T21:56:00.002+05:00

I've got this new book, Memories of Fatima Jinnah, from my reader's club. I'm reading it these days and it's pretty interesting. Fatima Jinnah is fascinating, now that I'm starting to know the very little details about her. Of course, not all the details, but some. The things she said about Pakistan in that day and age still hold true. In my next post I will write some of her quotes.

Quaid-e-Azam's sister, Fatima Jinnah.

Also, these days I am reading reproductive physiology and it is pretty fun to read, not at all boring like some other physiology chapters can be. It's amazing how every things adds up and how things complement each other. And I'm getting to know some interesting facts that I did not know before. For example, the book make reading light when it says : It is a bad idea to transport a prize bull in a rough truck as it affects its fertility - and the human male is no different. Umm, my electricity is about to go in 15 mins so I'll write more interesting Guyton Physio stuff in some other post. =D

Oh, our college is gonna be celebrating Independence from the 10th through 13th August. For today, the 10th, there was a National Song singing competition. It was fun in the sense that we're all doctors in training and not singers, but still a lot of people came up to sing, and some were umm really not pleasant on the ears. Anyhoo, it was fun. The random, lame antics (like while singing point up to Quaid e Azam and Laiquat Ali and getting so emo) and actions (umm, I can't describe =S) on stage, some of 'em lecturing us on patriotism - really in the mood they were, some of 'em from my class, random jokes (impersonating) that could only be expected from my class and umm, the not-so-good act of throwing paper-balls on stage. At the end the whole stage was full of 'em! Lol, booing SMC and other colleges and cheering for ours was fun! There was a whole music setup - dhols, tablas, piano, speakers etc. No class today either. Thing is, I don't think I have enough confidence to go and sing on stage in front of a whole auditorium of students!! I wonder how it feels like tho'.

Anyway, I'm gonna post this now. Gonna write more tomorrow. Really busy all day now that my college has started. =D

Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.

We Present You With Shoes

2010-08-08T00:13:00.003+05:00

So, guess what's my twitter timeline is buzzing with?
#Zardari
#shoe
#shoeattack

And some rather creative tweeple have, I don't know on what basis (really?), come up with these exciting(?) new terms.. Any guesses people? Here they are:
#shoecide
#WTZ
#shoefromheaven
And umm, a not-so-creative #ZardariFacedShoe (doh!)

Sooo, what's up with this? I'll tell you what! Two shoes got hurled at Mr.President, and the shoe-thrower, it transpired, needs still more practice. According to my mum.
Anyway, moving on, this post is based on my thoughts and opinions, yes I do have my say in politics. And also on my twitter timeline, as I have already mentioned.
Here, first off, are a coupla interesting nicknames I came across that people have for Zardari. Of course, they aren't all, as far as text messages go. They are:
Mr.10percent (more common)
Mr.a2z (less common)
Have your pick.

Moving on, here are a few facts(?) I learned, thanks to twitter and my mum.

The shoe has made the day of a lot of Pakistanis. Especially my mom, and of this guy who tweeted: #Zardari dude, you make my day. Lol. :). And here's one by another: Just spoke to dad on the phone. told him about #zardari shoe attack and he laughed SO hard. no one likes Mr. 10%!
That Pakistani's have a lot in common, may they be cricketers or politicians as is evident by people who have tweeted: .. good idea to throw shoes at him, as a Pakistani he wasnt likely to catch it #cricket
That a shoe has the power to unite Pakistanis.
That Zardari has successfully joined the exclusive ranks of presidents that had shoes thrown at them. And also, Zardari leads by 2-1.

Here are some random tweets, just for some more information.

umaronline Latest: The attacker shouted 'killer, killer' then threw 1st shoe - then he shouted 'killer, thief' and threw 2nd shoe.#Zardari #Live

haseebafsar Joota Khappay Khappay Khappay! #Zardari#Pakistan

umaronline Rumours are now flying around that the attacker has been offered £25,000 to sell his story to a South Asian newspaper.#Zardari #Live

Faria_Khan_ Apparently #Zardari has a 30 yr plan for #Pakistan:) Yes....a 30 yr interest free 'loan' straight to a Swiss Bank :)#Pakistan

sanasaleem #Pakistan fashion council concerned whether shoes thrown at #zardari was Italian or not

umaronline One account - as soon as shoes were thrown, everyone stood up and started chanting 'long live Bhutto' as attacker was forced out...

SaadGH One day I would wear 'that' shoe and lead Pakistan#theshoefromheaven

SufyanArshad I was in PPP Birmingham's meeting, It was one of the most successful event. Long live #Bhutto, Long live #Zardari!

djumaki Take my all shoes and hit that #Zardari #Pakistan

What I think about this is, regardless of whether he deserved a shoe or not (he does I think), or even some rotten tomatoes, the guy who had thrown it shouldn't have. Not only is it very 'jaahil' ... it also will not have much of an effect, and a good one at that, on *our* president, except maybe for a slight flicker of humiliation, because after all, jaahilat doesn't have any effect on jaahilat.
Also, more than some shoes for eid, he deserves some pen and mic. Come on, if you want to raise your voices, raise 'em in a respectful way. Are you any different? Sure he deserved 'em, but only metaphorically!
According to my mom, who represents a lot of Pakistanis, the Zardari shoe-thrower is, if not bigger, than as big a hero as the Bush shoe-thrower. My mom has been in front of the TV waiting for the video clip to bless the screen, which has not happened so far! It has just disappeared! Which is kind of biased I must say, you media people. Y'all show bloody images of corpses and blasted body parts with NO censor, but when it comes to Zardari and the amazing shoes, well it's something totally different! Huh!

Oh, just so you are wondering. President Zardari was out touring the world while Pakistan was in the midst of floods and airplane crashes. Nobody likes this, okay

Burr-burr, a poem.

2010-08-06T18:54:00.003+05:00

Burr-burr.

Coconut-scratching mice,

Men who eat their wives,

Lice that marry fair rice,

Are the truthful honest lies,

That this world of humans thrives upon,

Like a pair of cheap skates for a hard-earned coupon,

And the fat lady sings so the show must go on,

Are we melodies or are we songs.

17th June 2010, Sunday.

Oh, do check out my Sticker World page =) I have had it since Class 6 =D See ya!

My Life is Average

2010-08-04T17:35:00.002+05:00

Note : An MLIA (My Life is Average) post contains everyday, average stuff. Not something mind-blowing, not something freaking awesome. It's about my life, and how amazingly average it can be sometimes. So don't expect anything more. Bleh. I have my days.

This is me in the night.

When my cell-phone screen reads past 00:00am and I am wide awake. It's when I think of revolutionary thoughts that go hide away as the first rays of sunlight sprinkle upon the Earth. I think of us looking at the stars and the stars looking back at us, but we look into the past as we gaze up and they look into the present, and stay to be seen even in the future. What do the stars see when they look at all of us, on Earth, with tonnes of energy and people and feelings and movement. Earth, bursting with life, in the middle of the vacuous, peaceful Milky-way.

I think my life is pretty average. I think I am not. Or maybe I am, but I don't think so? Whatever. Here's something for all the Twilight fans :

meh.

True

2010-08-01T23:56:00.000+05:00

Top 6 Outrageous Ways to Die

2010-07-30T19:02:00.005+05:00

Here are some ways *not* to die.

1. Laughing so hard that you fall off your top bunk bed and die.
Chances are Granny Fidelma, a hypothetical granny (will write more about her in coming posts) who loved laughing and every time she did so her dentures fell out, died like this at the ripe old age of 104. To be blamed is the poor grandchild who went around the house telling jokes to everyone, who never saw a tragic death coming, a death that made the rest of the house shudder in a single earthquake-ish shake after a hyena-like, choking laughter. It was sad =( So, be wary of laughing while in bed.

What'cha loookin' at?!

2. Suffocating to death slowly under a fat man who sits on you while you lay in the dark on a park bench.
This is slow death for you and your murderer, apparently, is an innocent, lazy murderer so hold no grudge. Don't sit on park benches late in the night when the only people who come sit on you are too hung over to hear your anguished whispers, and are too heavy for your spirit to leave your body peacefully quick. Spare your spirit from such torture and stay away from doing anything as thoughtless as this.

3. Getting clawed to death in sleep by your neighbor's kitten.
Yes, not all people are cat-people. And if you aren't, keep your eyes and ears open and install a cat-alarm. Because when the cops come in the morning, no one will ever be able to trace your death to the kitty next door that is purring and meowing between fluffy cushions.

4. Not making to the loo in time. For days.
This is the most commonest out of all these. Victims are the gaming-console, internet and sleep addicts. Also, truck drivers! If you do make it in time and be saved from death, chances are your kidneys will hate you and kill you later on anyways, so, get up and go. Cos when you gotta go, you GOTTA go.

5. Electrocuting yourself to death by putting for wet fingers into a turned-on switch.
Don't do this please. Not matter who dared you. You will only die a death the cause of which will be too outrageous to be told in your funeral.

6. Jumping off the bridge and drowning because your friend jumped too.
Yeah, it is that friend that your mom and dad keep warning you of. The friend you tell your parents about every time you want to do/have something because s/he does/have it too.
Chances are he is a pro swimmer. Are you?

This could be you.

So, do you have any? All this is in good humor, nothing serious.

Only in Pakistan

2010-07-23T20:21:00.017+05:00

Pakistan is a strange country to live in. It is beautiful, amazing, with so much to give and yet it has its share of ugly. With our spicy food and traditional clothes and all things good and desi.. are the pan-chewers and the frandshippers (stalkers who have nothing constructive to do with their time except "wanting to frandship with you" To find out more about these creatures click here!) that are all things not-so-good and desi. Standing neck to neck with the breath-taking mountains the pristine lakes are the graffitied public rest rooms that stink so much that I have NEVER set foot into one for years, and never ever will *shudders*.! With the melodious national songs that make you wanna sing along are the cacophonous songs of random political parties that make you wanna stuff your ears with cotton and/or scream and run. And then there's a huge contrast between the nice, honest and yes educated citizens and the corrupt freak-shows that are also our fellow citizens and coincidentally make up a huge part of our government!
Yet, in between all of that, Pakistani's have their sense of humor, or shall I say, their blissful ignorance. There are things that are so strange that you begin to find 'em a bit funny. If you live in Pakistan, you would know what I mean. But if not, here is a chance for you to see a little part of the funny bit that Pakistan is made of ^__^ <3

Yes, I drew this. Like it?! xD

LOL! Sure we do!

Hungry much?

UFO?

Yes, it only looks like a slipper...

Because we have all the time in the world!

Yes, we have child-friendly schools! DO YOU? *smug!*

Soo, did this make you laugh? Freak you out? Or did you just yawn your way through, 'cos honestly, if that is what you did, you must have some form of a sleeping disorder, go get checked! Yeah, and maybe this was lame, but.. That's all for now! =D

Liquid Sunshine

2010-07-23T16:55:00.000+05:00

It has been roasting hot for weeks now. But today it rained. I lived two minutes of beauty, marveling at the rain drops which fell into puddles, all together at the same time, again and again and again. It felt so delicious on my shoulders and on my tongue. Water splashed every where in a soft melody. The sky was clear white and the ground, wet gray. Sun shone and everything was alight! It was quiet, except for a few chirps and Azaan. And I thought about the best things for those two minutes. I got two white flowers. Liquid sunshine makes me warm and happy. =D

Bubble Up

2010-07-18T16:45:00.003+05:00

Everyone lives in a bubble. I'd like to see it pop. More soon.

19th July 2010, Monday (Afternoon)

Random - What I think.

Take all the good you can. Give all the good you can.

Usually, if you really delve in deep, a bad person is bad not because they consciously made a huge decision to be bad one day knowing all about good and bad, no! It's because what they have usually gone through is bad, they've experienced bad, seen bad, learnt bad and so even if they hated it once, somehow they end up being bad, if they don't get any exposure to goodness. It is what they have learnt, led to believe in, been familiar with. But, it's usually, not always, some people get bad 'cos of mental issues, I think, even tho' they have good around them..? Many who have had it bad and hard, though, do turn to good, after feeling goodness. So, that's how it works. Spread goodness!

(Night)

I just came across a quote on twitter that goes nicely with this. Here,

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. -W. Churchill

Escaping

2010-07-17T19:13:00.005+05:00

The internet is my easiest escape. And then there is reading, writing, talking and hanging out with my friends and watching movies, sleeping, daydreaming, and playing games. Is that a good thing? Is escaping a good thing?
How about escaping INTO reality? But then again, the internet and the movies and the books.. an escape as I call them, what if they are a reality. May be there are more realities than one.
I think, an escape out of which you can make a reality is a good thing. Like this blog, it is an escape and now a reality.
Those who escape into drawing, become artists.
Those to escape into poetry, might become poets.
I wonder if any one has studying as their escape, I sure would like that once in a while. =)
We find an escape and we make it a reality, and maybe that is what life is about. Finding your escape. Doing what you love. Oh and remember, finding your way back to reality is very important, don't escape forever.
But sometimes we choose a wrong escape. Like those alcoholics. The reality they make is disastrous. =(
We all need a breather once in a while to keep ourselves from going crazy.
So, take a break, relax and do something you enjoy, remember, you are making a new reality, so do what you dream of.
And one of my best escapes is nature, beauty, animals but I don't get to venture into it much. My other best escapes are books, dreams, writing and talking to my bffs. <3
What's yours?
Happy escaping. It's your Narnia.

A Little Bit about Me

2010-07-16T14:49:00.002+05:00

Hellow! I am Sana =D A simple girl living in and and out of this world. Other times I am crazy and weird or just plain shy. I was born on the 6th of February in the year 1990 on Tuesday. And so my fave no. is 6, month Feb and day.. well no, not Tuesday. Every day happens to be my fave day and I try to live it to the fullest!

I'm young and I like life and my heart beats red and bleeds warm. <3

I was born 2 months before I was due, so I could have had Aries as my zodiac sign. Anyways, now, as destiny had it, I am a nice, happy, magical Aquarian o(^-^)o
But I don't really believe in that stuff.

What I do believe in is truth, beauty, hope, happiness, light, goodness, wisdom and knowledge and in always working hard to make this world a better place, working hard to really be a good person.

I believe that great happiness comes in small packages and that dreams do come true, if you really want them to.I believe in true love and happy endings and in every ending being another beginning.

In my heart, I believe that this world was made for me. That I make a difference. That I can be the best. That my life is a huge gift from God, to me and to all the people I love and care for and who mean and do the same for me!

I love writing. But my handwriting is not constant. I love reading and that while munching chocolates or chips or sipping some yummy drink (orange juice, hot milk, lemonade, water). I love drawing and usually draw human figures. I listen to music, but I am not a music freak and I think my fave would be Owl City. I love petting cute creatures; kitties, fishies, horshies, bunnies, my pillow and blanky and baby dragons, the grass and flowers and kabutops(my friend, my pet pigeon, someday I shall write about him) and babies!

I like to stop and smell the roses. Dance in the rain, feel it pitter-patter with a force upon my skin. Smile at the sun, and go for a run in the breeze. Jump and sing to my heart's content, laugh and giggle at funny stuff; Seinfeld, Readers' Digest's jokes, Marian Keyes stories, funny vids, and with my friends and at lame jokes that actually are funny. And at sweet, happy memories and even at things I do.

Sometimes I laze around, sometimes I am all charged up. Lil things can give me a fit of laughter and lil things can make me tear up. I can be all grown up (I hope) and I can be a little demanding baby. But most of the time I act my age.. I do, don't I? =D

And I have wishes and dreams that I pray for and work for and I know are going to come trueee. ^__^

I might freak people out. But I always know what I am doing. Even when it appear I don't. I know what I am doing even when I am up all night on an exam night watching a movie.

Life Is So Much More

2010-07-15T03:15:00.000+05:00

Today I realized again how much I do not know, and how much I there to be known. This world, this universe is lovely, magical, so complex, yet so, so simple! I'm attending Summer School, it has a class every week, on Tuesdays.. and Mondays and Wednesdays I am going to attend Physics classes in my college. Apart from that, I am involved in experimental research and even though there is a lot more I should be learning, I am realizing very much how my knowledge is just a drop in a vast ocean. And it is amazing. I feel like I stand at the shore of a shimmering blue ocean, and I am ready to dive into it.
There's epistemology, the knowledge of knowledge and the whole existence of life depending upon the fine structure constant. There's this whole new universe waiting to be discovered and the miracle that is the human body with all it's complexities, down to the details, which then are just very beautifully simple. Eular, apparently, is some important guy who found out some important symbols and then how the realm of physics merges with the realm of life sciences. How the universe exists inside us, and we inside the universe, so many mysteries waiting to be uncovered. =)
I am once again realizing what I want to do. Life is so much more than just pizzaz and shoes and gossip.

A New Beginning

2010-07-13T21:13:00.000+05:00

So, I made a new blog because I felt like it. I love my old one. But this one kind of marks a new beginning. Rediscovering myself after two years of medical school and deciding once again to move forward and work hard like I used to. To stop letting time slip by and live every moment and do things that matter. Like blogging.

I got my first reader's club book today, it is a classic, Thomas Hardy's Far from the Madding Crowd and I've already read a couple of it's pages. They're yellow with age and the font is small and it is a really thick book, so I guess it will take some time reading as I gave up my habit of reading continuously for hours after I got into Med school. Yep, I gave away a lot of things that were me, but now as I am getting ever more determined to be the Sana that I used to be I am hoping and I am sure that reading this classic will give me a reason to sit down with a cup of tea and a bag of chip and be lost in another universe. Such a good way of spending time.

Speaking of new beginnings and meaningful reasons, this blog exists for a similar reason. The other blog (And I shall forever love it like no other!<3 ) I let it go without posts for so long and then updating again would seem like a huge task. So, here is a fresh start and I am going to write, write, write cos I enjoy it so much. The Lazy Monster Queen gets to me but no more, I'm gonna kick her rear and turn up the volume on a Barbie Girl and we're gonna dance and I'm gonna post regularly.. with nice pictures! =D

That's it for now. Toodles.
xx Sana <3

Sunlight - First Post

2010-07-13T04:47:00.000+05:00

Yoohoo, all you people! This is my new blog! Keep checking for updates. Mm, it is around 4 in the morning right now and I am going to sleep after I post this. Took a heck lot of time getting this new blog ready, my other one is kind of dying a very slow death until I decide to update it.

Okay, I watched Enchanted around midnight and it was a lovely, hilarious movie! =D I loved Giselle's dresses and her hair and Patrick Dempsey's good! Here's one of the songs that I loved (I loved 'em all). And the way Giselle goes Aaa-aaa-aaaaa when she calls the animals is classic lol.